


The boy with the burning eyes

by Larrylover3000



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Fluff, Innocent Alec Lightwood, M/M, Rejection, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24593242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larrylover3000/pseuds/Larrylover3000
Summary: Magnus does not understand why Alec won't admit that he likes guys. No matter how many times Alec loses control and wakes up next to the boy with the burning cat-eyes, he just never seems to realize why the burning is actually there. He is breaking both of their hearts without even noticing.---Well I needed a good excuse to write smut scenes between Alec and Magnus. There will be a bit of Andrew Underhill / Magnus as well.(If you are only here to read the sex-scenes (I know some of you are), read chapter 4,6 and 7)
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Andrew Underhill, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 22
Kudos: 110





	1. Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn

Alec had just gotten back from a mission gone horribly wrong. Isabelle had been scratched in the arm by a shapeshifting demon, and was luckily stable, but in a lot of pain. She was acting like everything was fine, but Alec knew she wasn’t okay. There was a bit of panic spreading around the institute, people coming in to see if they could help Isabelle. Alec sat next to her as 3 medic shadowhunters tried to wash and clean the wound of demonic poison. 

“Alec it is gonna be alright,” Izzy said, as she noticed his worried face. He wasn’t so sure, but gave her a slight nod anyways. “You don’t have to stay here”

“I know, but I want to. Demon poisoning can be very serious Isabelle, I don’t want you to be alone” he said. He knew she liked him being there, but she was a strong girl and also didn’t want people to feel concerned. She winced a bit, as one of the medics placed a rune on her hand, meant to help her immune system. 

It always hurt Alec when Izzy was in pain. He himself had tried to be poisoned by a demon once before, and he knew the pain was stronger than what Izzy was showing. 

“It seems the rune isn’t working effectively”, one of the medics said, probably not meant for Izzy og Alec to hear, but for his collegue. “I’ll go tell the head of the institute and have them contact Magnus” the other one replied. That worried Alec and he reached out his hand to hold Izzy’s, trying to make her feel more safe.

“Nothing is seriously wrong, right?” he asked, looking the medic straight in the eyes. It was more of a statement, trying to convince himself everything was fine. He honestly didn’t even want the medic to respond, unless the answer was what he wanted to hear. 

“Nothing a powerful warlock can’t fix. Warlocks know more about demon poisoning than us shadowhunters, it is in their nature” the medic replied. Alec didn’t remember any warlock having to heal him back when he was poisoned by a demon. Perhaps he had just been lucky. His body was also bigger and stronger than Izzy’s. He couldn’t figure whether it made him relax or scared him even more, that a warlock would have to help cure Izzy. 

He had heard the name Magnus before. Magnus Bane. But never met him. He knew that Magnus came to the institute once a year to put up new protective wards. Magnus was the high warlock of Brooklyn, and well-known for his wild and sparkling way of living. 

A portal appeared in the small room a second later. Alec was still holding Izzy’s hand in his as a young, short dark-haired handsome warlock stepped out of the portal. His cat-eyes sparkled with a yellow fire and starred at Alec for just a second, before they went to look at Isabelle. 

“Have you been filled in on the situation” one of the medics asked, and the Warlock gave a nod. A second later, it was only Alec, Izzy and this strange warlock Magnus in the room. Magnus turned his attention back to Alec and caught his eyes with the fire burning behind. Alec had never seen a warlock with eyes like that, but he knew they were known for having individual particularities. He was struck by the moment.  
“I am here to help Isabelle. I don’t know who you are, but I like to work alone” Magnus said and tilted his head a bit to the side, as if he had forgotten that Isabelle was in pain in front of him. Alec forgot as well for a second. 

“oh, yeah, sorry… I’m Alec. Her brother” He quickly replied, a bit shakingly.

“I wasn’t asking who you were, I was asking you to leave” Magnus spoke with a soft and slow voice, like he had all the time in the world. Technically he did, since warlocks were immortal, but Izzy still needed immediate help. 

“Well, I’m not gonna leave. I’m allowed to stay, there is no rule against it. And as I just said, this is my sister” The fire behind Magnus’ eyes lit up a bit as those words escaped Alec’s mouth. 

“Oh”, Magnus said slowly, almost like a little whisper. “Denying the wish of the high warlock of Brooklyn, currently trying to save your sisters life, does that really sound like a good idea to you”

“Alec, just leave, I’ll be fine” Izzy quickly said. Alec could feel her trying to catch his eyes and hear the worry in her words, but he couldn’t remove his gaze from the fire that burned and sparkled in the cat-eyes. 

“Just because you are a good looking young shadowhunter, I won’t let you stay. Did you really think that I would?” Magnus said, sounding like he was offended for some reason. Alec frowned at the ‘good looking’ part, this Magnus was a confusive warlock. He didn’t have time to think it through before the word “What” escaped his mouth.

“Alec. Leave.” Isabelle said in a serious tone, and it snapped Alec out of the weird moment. He broke the eye-contact with Magnus and saw the look in Izzy’s eyes. She was still hurting, and Alec knew it wasn’t fair to pick a fight when she was in need of help. He felt the ache of knowing she was in pain for a second. 

“Okay fine, I’ll come in right afterwards” His voice had softened. He quickly went out the door, avoiding eye-contact with the warlock. And as he came back half an hour later, the warlock had portaled himself out of the room already and Izzy was feeling way better. 

\-------

After that, Alec couldn’t stop thinking about those burning cat-eyes. It was like the thought of them mixed him with the feeling of anger and fascination. He had never been one to have an interest in the downworld, unlike Izzy. Izzy was drawn by the mysterious and dangerous downworlders and liked the thrill of knowing that not everybody thought well of the worlds mixing. But Alec wasn’t like that.

He had asked Izzy about Magnus a couple of days later. She knew the downworld better than anyone he knew, and for some reason, he needed to know more about the warlock.   
“Why did he think I was getting him to let me stay, because of how I look” he had asked her, because that was mainly what was confusing him. The way Magnus had said it, slowly with a hint of disappointment. Like Alec had taken advantage of him in some way. Izzy had just sighted. 

“Well… Magnus is not one to hide his true self. I guess he thought you would know more about him than you actually do” she had said. 

“Know what? That he has a soft spot for shadowhunters?” The confusing was only growing inside of Alec, but he was kind of curious. The thought of this powerful warlock having a soft spot for anything seemed odd to him. 

“No Alec” Izzy had interrupted. “No, a soft spot for men”

\------

The next time Alec met Magnus was about a week later. He was at the bar just down the corner with jace and Izzy. They had been hunting down a demon for two days, but had finally gotten to it and killed it. Alec didn’t like going to bars the way Jace and Izzy did, they both loved the attention their pretty looks could get them. Especially Jace, he would flirt with every soul that entered the bar, Alec thought it was stupid and weird. For some reason, he didn’t like it.

They had been there for two hours or so when Magnus showed up. Jace had gone off with some girl, but he always came back before they left to go home. Alec was at a table with Izzy and some seelie giving her his full attention. Right as he entered the room, Alec saw him. He was wearing tight black leather jeans and a glitter shirt with green sleeves. Surely, he was the kind of person you would notice. He had a soft face, but a spark that woke your interest. 

Magnus sent a flirting smile to the bartender, a young werewolf with soft curls. She laughed at him and poured him a drink - something green that matched his look. Alec debated with himself whether he should approach the warlock. He was out of beer anyways, so he could as well go get another. 

“I’ll have one like that. It looks interesting” He motioned towards the green drink Magnus was holding in his hand. He caught the sparkling man’s eyes and sent an almost invisible smile, before returning his attention to the werewolf again. “And I like green”

“They are not usually green” the werewolf commented. “It’s just a mojito. Magnus adds the color himself”

It didn’t really surprise Alec, Magnus seemed so extra. Of course he would do something like this. The werewolf started mixing the drink anyways, figuring he still wanted that mojito. 

“Well hello Alec, what a surprise to see you here”. Alec turned his head to look at Magnus. As their eyes caught each other, he felt the heat of the fire warm him a little. He wasn’t sure why, but for some reason, he enjoyed it. It surprised him that the warlock even remembered his name. Magnus had a smile playing on his face, he looked pleased. He took a sip of the green drink and licked his lips, clearly enjoying himself. 

“Hello Magnus” Alec said, his voice clear and steady. They looked at each other for a second, before Alec broke the eye contact to see when his drink was going to be ready. The werewolf just finished it and put it in front of him. It wasn’t green and looked rather dull, but to Alec it didn’t really matter. It had been a lie anyways when he had said that he liked green. 

“It’s on the house” the werewolf said with a smile and a certain look on her face, that Alec couldn’t quite make out. “If you’re a friend of Magnus, you’re a friend of mine”

“Thank you” the shadowhunter said and went to take a sip of his drink. He had actually never tasted a mojito before, usually he was more the beer-drinking kind of guy. It tasted sweeter than he had imagined and he felt it sting as it hit his throat. As he put it back down, he noticed the color had changed. 

“Sorry. I had to, I love the drink but hate the color. It’s so boring”

“You seem easily bored” Alec said with a smirk. 

“When you live forever, you need to keep things interesting”. For some reason Alec was kind of expecting Magnus to say something like that, so he just let out a soft laugh.

“For someone with your kind of magic, there must be more interesting things to do than change the color of your drink” Magnus thought about it for a second, his eyes burning.

“Color makes everything interesting. Let me show you” Magnus said and flicked his hand. A smile started showing at his mouth. Alec looked around curiously, enjoying himself in this moment. Magnus’ need to make things interesting for some reason made Magnus interesting. None of his friends were like that. 

Not finding anything different, the shadowhunter frowned at Magnus. “What did you do?” he asked. “are you messing with me?”

“Of course not, dear. Take a look at your nails.” And surely, Alec’s nails had turned into a dark, matt green. The color looked good with his tanned skin. He noticed that Magnus was wearing nail polish as well, not the exact same shade, but also a green color. It actually looked quite good on Magnus’ hands. The short, handsome warlock had a quite feminine hand with several rings, his fingers long and smooth. 

“Okay so you think I’m boring” Alec said with a laugh

“Not anymore. I told you, colors make things interesting” Magnus said it in a slow and soft voice, it was hard to tell whether he was being ironic or not. He flicked his hand again and the colors of Alecs nails disappeared. “Luckily for you, you don’t need it”

Alec paused for a second. He let out a breath and changed his tone. “Look Magnus, I meant to thank you for what you did to Izzy. I’m very grateful that you were there to help her”

A smile showed on Magnus’ face, it looked softer than any smile he had given Alec earlier. “Your sister is really strong. Demon poison isn’t just something everybody can handle” It was very true, and it made Alec proud of his little sister. 

There was a second where none of them spoke, the music in the background filled the room. Then Magnus said, “Besides, I can see the way she looks at you. She accepts you as who you are. You are very lucky to have her support. When I first came out, I was all alone”

Alec wasn’t expecting that. What was Magnus talking about? “What?” Alec said confused, taken aback by the short boys words. “You think I’m gay?”

A frown spread on Magnus’ face. “Yes?” He said it like a question, clearly not excepting Alec to react that way.

“I’m not” Alec stated in a clear voice. “What would make you think that?”

“I dont know… you coming up here, hitting on me, you know I’m not stupid” Alec’s mouth dropped, he could feel the annoyance building up inside him. Magnus’ burning eyes were looking straight at him, 

“I’m not hitting on you, I’m just thanking you for saving my sisters life. Don’t mix that up. Maybe you’ve gotten a bit too much to drink.” Alec said sharply and didn’t even leave room for Magnus to response before picking up his coat and leaving.


	2. The heat of the moment

“Alec!” Izzy called out as Alec was walking down the hallway on his way to his room. He waited up and Izzy tried to catch up with him. 

“Hey Izzy, what’s up?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head slightly. He frowned. “Are you hungover?” he asked, she looked tired and was clearly having an headache. 

“Yeah…” she admitted. “I got a bit carried away last night. And missed breakfast this morning. Where did you go, I lost track of you after you went to get another drink”

A reminder of the previous night. Alec shook his head. “Nowhere, i just went home” he said in a calm voice. He paused and then added. “I wasn’t really in the mood, I wanted to make the most of today - unlike yourself”

Izzy laughed at him and then quickly put her hand to her forehead, clearly in pain. She winced. “You shouldn’t drink that much, you are not completely over your demon poisoning yet, you know?” Alec stated. But deep down he of course knew that she could handle a little hangover in any situation. 

“Yeah, i was hoping you had some left of that poisoning serum that you used back when you were poisoned. My runes aren’t working since I still have demon poison in my body - and this headache is killing me. Only warlock serum helps” she said and it sounded so stupid when she said it out loud. Who is stupid enough to get a hangover while poisoned other than Isabelle.

“Okay little sister, are you really gonna use serum to fix a hangover? You are sure one of a kind” A laugh escaped Alec’s mouth and Izzy winced once again. She really looked off. He sighed. 

“Okay, come on”. The older brother led the way to his room. It was a bit further down the hallway, and Izzy sat down on the big bed as soon as they reached the room. Fumbling through his drawer, he finally found the little bottle of serum and handed it to hier 

“Tell me, though - was yesterday worth the headache? I mean, I saw how that seelie was looking at you, did he at least get lucky?” Alec teased. He was sure he saw a hint of a smile on Isabelle’s mouth. She couldn’t keep her hands of a handsome seelie, Alec knew that. 

Isabelle let out a little snort. “Of course he did. I haven’t woken him up yet, I’m hoping for another round” Alec shook his head at her and felt a little bit disgusted at the thought of his own sister having sex. But that was just how she was. “But not with this headache” she added and poured a bit of the serum into her eye. It was the quickest way to get an effect. 

“Well, he was quite good-looking” Alec had to admit. 

“And so was the guy you were talking to last night. I didn’t know you and Magnus were, like… talking? Do you know him or something?” Izzy asked, not in a judging way and not directly indicating anything, but still Alec noticed the way she looked at him. 

“No, why? I just said thanks for him helping you, that’s all. We’re not, like, friends or anything” he quickly replied, hoping she’d not catch onto that something was a bit weird about him. 

Of course she did. “Well you know I wouldn't mind right? It seemed like you were enjoying each others company a lot. I thought for a second you had gone to some other bar with him or something, you both disappeared all of a sudden.”

“Well it wasn’t connected in any way, I was just not feeling like drinking, nothing more”. Alec tried to sound convincing as he said it, but even in his own ears it sounded lame. He hadn’t known that Magnus had left the bar at the same time as he did. He wondered why. 

Izzy sighed with a small nod. “Alright” she said, knowing that Alec didn’t want to get into any more details. But they both knew that he wasn’t telling the whole story - it was obvious from the way she was looking at him. “Can I keep the rest of this? I’m guessing you won’t be needing it anymore” she said with the serum in her hand. 

\-----

He didn’t even know how it happened, but Alec found himself sneaking into Izzy’s room a couple of days later. He knew she was out with the handsome seelie, probably only for a physical purpose. It felt weird for him to sneak into her room like that, but for some reason he couldn’t help himself. 

He turned on the light and closed the door behind himself. Just to be on the safe side he made sure to also lock the door. And of course use an additional rune just so absolutely no one would be able to get in. 

A breath fell from his lips that he didn’t know he had been holding back. He was kind of shaky, but also determined not to go back empty handed. If he was being honest, it felt weird to have to go through her stuff, but there was no going back. 

Of course he knew where she kept the nail polish. Second drawer on the left. He took a moment before opening it.

All the colors were gorgeous. Izzy had good taste. He didn’t want her to notice anything was missing. She probably wouldn’t, maybe he just shouldn’t pick the most sparkling color. She had so many, Alec’s heart was beating fast. He could see the colors on Izzy’s hands when looking at most of them.

His eyes fell on a dark green, not quite like the one Magnus had made him wear. It was more delicate. It was more intense. He was certain he had never seen her wear that one before. Alec knew right away that he had to try it on. So he did. 

\------

The problem with the shadow world was that something always happened. There was easily a reason for people to get involved in things that usually wouldn’t be any of their business. And of course Alec showed up to the weekly meeting at the institute one evening to find Magnus sitting in a chair across the table, his legs crossed and burning eyes staring directly at Alec. 

For some reason it made his head feel kind of dizzy. He hadn’t seen Magnus for a couple of weeks and the man looked just as good as Alec remembered. He also immediately felt anger built inside of him, because of what the warlock had said last time they had seen each other. 

He kept it cool and sat down in his chair across Magnus’. He felt the cat-eyes looking at him, but he took in a deep breath, trying to ignore it, looking somewhere else. 

“Hello Alexander, how nice to see you again” Magnus said in a soft and steady voice, it was obvious that a smirk had found its way to his face. “How have you been, dear?”

Alec cleared his throat as he said the word ‘dear’ and slowly turned his head, facing Magnus. “I’ve been fine” he said, not in the mood to start a conversation with the warlock. He just tilted his head slightly, smiling even brighter. 

“Don’t you wonder why I am here?”. Of course Alec wondered, but he was also too annoyed to feel the curiosity properly. Magnus looked like he enjoyed seeing Alec’s growing annoyance. 

“Not really” Alec replied, even though it wasn’t true. He could easily see in the sparkles behind the cat-eyes that Magnus knew he was lying. 

“Well you sure make it sound like you don’t want me here” Magnus said, still using his slow, soft voice. Alec sighed, he knew he couldn’t start an argument right before the meeting. And there was no reason to be rude. 

“I don’t mind. I’m here because of the meeting, not because of you” Alec tried to close off the conversation, but the warlock still looked like he had tons of things to say. He was amused. 

“Yeah, well me too” he replied, leaning back in the chair, but still with his eyes fixed on Alec. “Actually that’s a lie, I’m mostly here because of you”

“Alright everyone, let's get started,” Jace announced, standing up and getting everyone's attention. “There has been some issues lately with demons being able to locate the institute. Three attacks on the guards already, as you all probably know. We don’t know yet if it is due to shadowhunters’ mistakes or if some greater powers are fighting against us. Magnus Bane has agreed to help us keep the wards at its full powers until we know for sure what is causing these attacks. It is very generous of you Magnus, we are very grateful. You will be seeing him around here more than usually. We are putting full focus on this issue from now on.”

“Shouldn’t we be putting up restrictions about leaving the institute until the situation is under control?” Andrew asked, looking concerned.

“We don’t know what this is about yet. We should take precautions, but we can’t just lock down the institute.” Jace replied. “However, no one is allowed to leave the institute on their own - at least two people have to go together”

Alec nodded his head. He had heard about the recent attacks, but wasn’t aware of what kind of demons they were up against. He didn’t like to admit it, but he did feel more safe knowing that Magnus would be empowering the wards. However he couldn’t really understand why the High Warlock of Brooklyn would take on a task like this one, it was no thread to a downworlder and he could easily get another warlock to help the institute. 

“Okay I will call in the rest of the institute and inform them” Andrew said, interrupting Alec’s trail of thoughts. Alec got up from his chair, hurrying to get back to his room before having to talk any more to the warlock. 

“Alec”, Jace said, catching Alec before he made it. “I’ll of course want us to stay on missions together, like usually. I hope that’s alright with you”

Alec gave a reassuring smile and nodded. “Of course” He said, he wasn’t afraid of this demon just yet. It still seemed like something Jace and him could take down.

He turned around and headed back towards his room. “Alexander” another one called from behind him a few steps later. Of course it was Magnus, Alec felt a slight jump in his body. He took in a breath. “Well, it seems we have to work together for a period of time. How nice”

Alec didn’t stop walking, but Magnus was quick to join his pace. The boy was short, but he moved gracefully and swift for someone his size. 

“It is only gonna be a short period of time” Alec stated. For some reason when he said it out loud, he found himself not hoping it was true. He shook his head, continuing walking. 

“Well, are you gonna be this grumpy that whole short period of time?” The pointy tone in the question took Alec a bit by surprise, he stopped up for a second, looking into Magnus’ eyes. He frowned. 

“I’m not grumpy. You don’t even know me Magnus, don’t act like you do” He said sharply and turned around to continue walking.

“Well I think you don’t really know yourself either”

“I’m not gay.” Alec interrupted, speaking in a low tone so no one would hear. Without noticing he picked up his pace. A moment passed as Magnus weighted his words. 

“There is no need for you to deny who you are, Alexander. Why are you so af-”

“Magnus, I’m not gay,” Alec stated once again, this time in a higher tone. They had reached the hallway to Alec’s room and no one besides him used that hallway. “I’m not like you ok?”

“Yeah well I know that, no one is like me. But why can’t you understand that-”

“Look I don’t want to have to explain myself to you or discuss this with you. You are wrong, so leave me alone ok?” Alec said, turning around and staring right into the yellow cat-eyes. Admittingly, the flames in his eyes did startel him a bit, but he tried his hardest not to show it. But of course the beautiful, short boy noticed.

Magnus took a step close to him, and as Alec then took a step back he found his back against his bedroom door. The tall guy felt his body shake a bit as Magnus took another step closer, reducing the space between them. He leaned up towards Alec, still with his eyes focussed on the taller boy’s. The warmth spread in Alec’s body as their faces came closer.

“Are you telling me that this doesn’t make you unable to catch your breath?” he whispered slowly, placing his hand on Alec’s chest, pushing him further into the door. “Does it not make your heart beat faster?” Alec was certain that Magnus could feel his heart beat beneath his small, smooth hand and he tried his best to control the beat. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop staring into those beautiful, burning eyes. 

“I know the heat is spreading inside your body, Alec. So why won’t you admit it?” Magnus said, his voice still almost just a whisper. It was clear that the words were filled with desperation, but Alec couldn’t quite focus on that. He knew he would easily be able to push the smaller man away from him, but for some reason he couldn’t.

Alec didn’t know what to say, he just kept staring into Magnus’ eyes. He tried to keep his breathing under control. 

“You don’t know that” Alec said in a voice so low, he was uncertain if Magnus heard. 

The short boy leaned in even closer, his mouth so close to Alec’s that Alec could feel the air on his lips as Magnus said, “You can kiss me if you want to”

Alec’s heart was beating so fast. The feeling of Magnus’ body and the heat in his own, it was almost too much for him. He felt the longing for those lips. He tried his best not to give into it, because he knew this wasn’t him. This burning inside of him, it came from those beautiful, yellow eyes. Alec closed his eyes, he couldn’t look at Magnus.

“I…” He started, but trailed off. “Magnus, I’m not gay” he insisted once again, but his voice sounded weak and uncertain. But it was enough for Magnus to take a step back, but the shadowhunter felt the hesitation behind the action. Alec opened his eyes again and found the warlock looking at him with a disappointed look on his face, the fire burning low. 

“I’m sorry but I’m not” he said, feeling a cry built up inside of him. He had never tried that before, not like this. It was those flames in the sparkling boy’s look that made him feel this way, he just knew it. 

Magnus seemed to see right through him, for some reason understanding this building pressure behind Alec’s ribcage. The warlock then shook his head and put on a clearly fake smile. He took another step back. 

“Well I can’t force you to understand yourself. But when you are ready, I’ll be here” he said in a dramatic tone. Then he flicked his hand and turned his back to Alec as he entered a portal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh how stupid Alec is, why won't he just kiss this beautiful boy?


	3. Deep Green

Alec was panting, trying to catch his breath. He was a hot mess, his sweat dripping down his face, hitting the floor. Jace was just the same, he went to get a towel, trying to dry his face. His hair looked wet and sticky. He smiled at Alec and then threw him the towel. 

“You’re getting good” he said with a smile. Alec laughed and dried up his own face as well. His body was aching, but the kind of pain that he liked. He loved feeling his body fight and grow stronger and Jace was just the same. “Have you been practising without me?”, the blonde guy asked with a grin. Alec rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t have to. I can easily take you down”. Alec and Jace had always know that though they made each other stronger and better, being the best was a competition. They were both good, usually Jace would have the advantage when they trained close up fighting like they had just done. The bow was Alec’s main weapon, he was the only one at the institute who mastered it perfectly.

“Oh, I’ll need prove of that” Jace said and picked up his stick once again, ready to fight his dark-haired brother in a second round. A smirk formed at Alec’s face, he threw away the towel and picked up his own stick as well, making a welcoming motion towards jace. 

Jace took the first hit, Alec blocked it. The blonde brother smiled and went in for another, quicker one, but Alec was fast. Alec put force into it as well and managed to get Jace to back away while trying to ward off the hits. Jace went for Alec’s leg, luckily he saw it coming but suddenly Jace had the upper hand and Alec was backing. Well, of course his gorgeous brother was good, Alec knew that. He had always been good. 

His moment of unfocus allowed Jace to kick Alec’s feet away from solid ground and force him to the floor. The stick was at his throat, pressed threateningly against his windpipe. “Well i don’t think you can take me down” his brother said, smiling with a satisfied look on his face. They both looked at each other for a second, then Jace removed the stick and put out his hand for Alec to take it.

Alec sighed and reached for the hand as Jace pulled him up again. Now he was sweating again, he sure needed a shower. Jace took of his shirt, the boy loved showing off his body. Alec had never known anyone as confident as Jace and it was not just his body he was confident about. It was everything.

Something about all that confidence made Alec admire his blonde brother, he himself was nothing like that. “Good training” Alec said just so it wouldn’t be too obvious how much he had actually been looking at his brothers body. 

“Definitely.” Alec picked up the towel once again and the boys headed towards their rooms. They walked in silence for a bit of time, both of them still trying to breath normally and slow down their heartbeats. 

Jace broke the silence. “Alec, can I ask you of something?” His voice was uncertain, but steady. 

“Yeah of course”, the brother with the dark hair responded, a hint of worry in his words. 

“It’s not something serious,” Jace reassured, before adding. “I’ve just been wondering if you have a problem with Magnus joining the meetings and helping us keep the wards up. I know he asked you to leave back when Izzy was sick, but it’s been a couple of months since then and usually you are not one to hold grudge like that”

“No that’s fine, why would you think that?” Alec didn’t sound perfectly sure, but he didn’t want Jace to worry. This had nothing to do with Jace, this was something he himself had to figure out. Besides, even though he felt tense and unsteady when Magnus was around it was not like he had an actually problem with the warlock.

“Well, it just seems like something is wrong between the two of you. Not like you hate each other, but like something has happened? So, like, is there a reason that you don’t like him?”

“Like i just said, I have no problem with Magnus,” Alec repeated, this time in a more steady and believable tone. He looked at his brother and sent him a smile to reassure him that he meant it. 

“Okay, but can’t you just try to act nice around him. He is doing us a huge favor and it is not fair of us not to treat him well. I don’t want him to quit this project because he feels ignored, okay?”

Alec sighed. He was well aware of the fact that Magnus was here because they needed him to be here. It would never be fair of Alec to treat him in a rude way when he was only here to help. 

“Look, I am very grateful that he is here” Alec said. “I really am. There is just something about him that makes me feel… weird”. A frown found its way to Alec’s forehead, he shook his head. “I mean, I’ve been around multiple of warlocks with all kinds of… abnormalities… but his eyes, the way they make you burn inside, it’s just really hard for me to handle for some reason. I don’t know how all of you manage like you do.”

The way the word abnormalities fell from his lips made Alec regret saying it instantly. He wasn’t being fair and he knew it, the tension and heat that the warlock made him feel was just so new to him.

“Oh” Jace said softly, reaching out his hand to touch Alec’s arm. “I didn’t know you felt that way. You should have told me”

“It’s not your problem, it is mine. I will be nice from now on”. Alec sent a smile and for some reason felt a relief for having said it out loud. 

“Good, you can shower first if you want to. Take your time,” Jace said as he went back to his own room. 

\--- 

They had been working on the demon-problem all day. Magnus had been at the institute to fix a problem with the wards, luckily Jace had helped him so Alec didn’t have to. They had found a lead on the demon, a certain kind of poison they discovered from a dead body, one of the demons victims. Alec had sent in a request to the clave to get access to some special files he suspected could hold important information.

Until his request was accepted, he was off from work. He liked these evenings where he knew that he could do whatever he wanted to. Usually, he was a busy man, but there was not much for him to help with at the moment and he definitely enjoyed it. 

He sat down at the desk in his room. He wouldn’t like to admit it, but he had been waiting for this moment. The doors were locked, the runes were activated, allowing only him to know what he was doing. 

He took out the green nail polish and smiled. The color seemed so intense, he admired it in his hand. He let out a breath and opened it with soft hands, afraid of breaking it. He carefully put the polish on the left hand, that was the easiest one. It wasn’t quite as nicely made as the one Magnus had made him, but he liked it anyways. 

The color on his nails made his hand look tan. He knew he had a big, masculine hand, and he enjoyed how delicate the polish could make his big hands seem. He smiled.

Without even thinking about it, he took of his shirt. As he placed his hand on his torso and caressed his chest and then further down to his stomach he bit down his lower lip. His hand looked hot on his bare skin. He wasn’t sure if he enjoyed the thought of knowing that those were his own, gorgeous hands, or if he actually unknowingly imagined that they belonged to someone else. In both ways, he liked the masculine, yet pretty hand on his body.

He looked closely as his fingers unbuckled the belt and opened the zipper in his trousers. He wasn’t exactly hard, but he could feel the arousal in his body. There was no way of denying that the nail polish turned him on. The thought of his fingers around his cock, pretty and delicate, it made him feel his cock twitch in his pants. 

He took it out, just placing his fingers around it, looking at it. He felt out of breath for a second, his mind running wild. This was very much the first time he had felt arousal like this. To be honest, he didn’t really have much experience with sex, so naturally what turned him on and didn’t turn him on wasn’t something he had put much thought into. 

He started moving his hand slowly, closing his eyes, imagining the big hand being someone else's. He was deep in these thoughts when he heard a knock on the door, a soft one. Alec stopped. He frowned and sighed, he wasn’t exactly annoyed, but he could feel his need to keep going. 

“Just a second” he called, shaking his head, as if to get the thoughts out of his mind. He put his penis back in his pants, put his shirt back on and closed his trousers and the belt once again. Then he noticed the polish and was reminded that no one knew about that. 

For a second, panic spread though his body. He picked up some tissue paper, spat on it and tried rubbing the polish off. As to no surprise, it didn’t come off. It smeared out on his fingers, and that definitely did not make it any better. Luckily he had only put it on one hand. Nobody had to see his hand anyways, he thought.

He put the polish and tissue paper away, then went to open the door, making sure to hide half of his body. 

“Am I interrupting anything,” a slow voice asked as the door swung open. It didn’t surprise Alec to see Magnus standing there, but he sure wasn’t hoping for it. Magnus’ head tilted slightly and his eyes caught Alec’s. Immediately, Alec felt it burn in his body once again. He took in a deep breath, letting himself relax into it. 

“No, nothing. Why are you here?” he asked, clearly lying. Magnus didn’t seem to notice. 

“Well, you might not believe it, but Jace sent me. Your request was accepted by the clave,” Magnus said and surely, a bunch of books were in his small hands. He was wearing black, glossy nail polish. Alec had to stop his mind before it wandered off to somewhere it shouldn’t be. He forced a smile. 

“Thank you very much, I’ll take that” he hurried to say and reached for it with his right hand. Magnus didn’t hand it over, instead he just walked right past Alec without even asking and went to put the books on the shadowhunter’s desk. Alec hurried to hide his right hand in the pocket of his jeans.

“Well, there is a lot of stuff here that you probably won’t understand, so you might need some help” he sparkling boy said and turned right around to stare at Alec’s eyes once again. Then almost whispered, as if he was telling a secret, “Most of them are written by warlocks”

“Why would shadowhunter books be written by warlocks?” Alec wasn’t buying this one, he didn’t want to have to spend time with the short boy. Besides, he had been right in the middle of something and kind of wanted to finish what he had started. 

“Because warlocks know a lot more about demon poison than shadowhunters do. We use it in our serums, we experiment with it. That’s why”

Alec didn’t look satisfied, he put his other hand to his hip, shifting the weight to one foot. He then sighed, remembering what Jace had said earlier. “How long is it going to take?” he asked. 

“That depends on how lucky we are,” Magnus replied.

Alec thought about it for a second. “Look, I think I will just check it out alone, I’m not really in the moo-”

“Alexander. I’m sorry if this is because of how I have been acting. I know it wasn’t really fair of me to assume those things and pressure you the way I did. I will only focus on the books if you let me stay, if that is how you want it”. 

Silence spread in Alec’s room. He had really needed to hear those words, he had been so confused the past two months, not being able to let go of the things that Magnus had told him. It was clear in the look on the warlocks face, that he meant what he had said. And as Alec realized, for the first time he felt the burning as a pleasure, warming him and making him smile. 

“Well, in that case you can stay,” Alec said, heading towards his desk. Then he realised that he was still wearing the dark, green nail polish. He hesitated, about to say something. Magnus noticed and frowned at him, as if saying, “You can tell me”. Alec picked up his courage. 

“Could you maybe help me with something?” the shadowhunter asked in an uncertain voice, looking awaitingly at the sparkling warlock. “And, like, not tell anyone about it?”

“Yes of course Alexander, at least if my magic allows me to” Magnus answered, soft and steady. He offered the boy in front of him a warm smile. 

Overly aware of his own vulnerability, Alec showed the gorgeous Warlock his left hand, the nail polish smushed, but the color still intense. 

Magnus looked completely taken by surprise, blinking quickly. He fumbled for his words. “That’s such a nice color.” he said, then cleared his throat. “Do you want me to fix it, or do you want me to remove it”. He looked Alec questioningly straight in the eyes. 

To be honest, Alec wasn’t really sure what to answer, he hesitated. 

“Just remember, I’m not judging.” Magnus showed off his own fingers as if to remind the shadowhunter that he as well did wear nail polish. “The first time someone noticed nail polish on my finger nails wasn’t quite this pleasant”. He murmured, not exactly directed to Alec, more as if telling himself. A sad look spread on his face. 

“What happened?” Alec asked, curiously.

“Well, it was my dad. He told me to never wear it again or he would burn me alive.” Magnus said. “It was, however, also back in the 1500’s and my dad is quite traditional. And dramatic” he added afterwards, trying to make a funny comment. 

Alec had never thought that the High Warlock of Brooklyn, the sparking Magnus Bane, once had been treated so poorly by his own father. It took him by surprise, Magnus just didn’t seem like a person who would let anyone tell him what to do.

“Okay, just fix it. Don’t remove it”, he decided as the words left his mouth. “But it’s not because I’m gay, it’s because i like the color green.”

Magnus looked suspiciously at him, but kept his mouth shut. He then flicked his hands and both of Alec’s were suddenly decorated with the deep, green color, gorgeously made. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me”, Magnus said, a smile playing on his face.

“No, but you are right, sometimes I don’t quite understand myself.”, Alec said, because he needed to share. “Like, I don’t understand why I like this, I just do.”

“Alexander, I’ve spent years not understanding myself, it takes effort, it doesn’t just happen overnight. But I am also done denying who I am, and I guess I thought that gave me the right to decide whether or not you are allowed to deny who you are”

“I’m not denying anything” Alec quickly said, believing his own words as they escaped his mouth. “I’m not gay. I’m just in a position where I can’t be in a relationship. I have an important role here at the institute”, he explained. 

“I understand” Magnus said hidden behind a deep sigh. He looked down, then turned around to face the desk. “We should probably get started if we don’t want to stay up all night”


	4. The burn of jealousy

The weekly meeting had just ended and Jace was collecting his papers, smiling at Alec. The rest of the team had just left, leaving only the two of them. Alec went to help Jace pick up the rest, getting ready to head back to his room. 

“I’m very happy that you and Magnus managed to figure out what type of demon we are dealing with. It is for sure going to help us a lot”, Jace said. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to get this problem solved by tomorrow”

“Yeah, well he knows his way around those kind of books,” A little snort fell from Alec’s lips as he spoke. It had been an impressingly nice evening, he had easily been able to stand the company of the warlock. Of course they had only been focussing on the books, as Magnus had promised. Alec was surprised that he had such an obedient side, but apparently he did. “I would have been lost without him, who knew warlocks wrote in codes”

“I’m happy I sent him to you then. I also figured that you needed to talk to him, just the two of you. Realize that he is not as bad as you thought” Jace said with a jokingly smile. A small laugh fell from the dark-haired brother’s lips, he was very lucky to have Jace. The boy knew when to push Alec and when not to. 

The thing was that Alec was very aware of something inside of him that drew his interest to the sparkling boy. He guessed he just needed to get a bit more used to his presence, to the burning feeling and learn to relax into it, enjoy the company of the warlock. The thought of his yellow eyes made him kind of nervous, still.

“He will still be staying for some time, right?” Alec asked, he hadn’t really thought about that the two of them gaining this information also meant that they no longer needed Magnus’ help around the institute. “I mean, at least until we catch the demon for good, right?

His blonde brother shrugged, “I don’t really know, maybe. Do you want him to or what?” he teased, the kind of look on his face that only siblings could send each other.

“No!” Alec quickly stated, but then regretting the eagerness in his voice. He scratched his neck. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t want him to either. I just don’t care”

Jace looked through the papers in his hand, pretending not to be paying much attention to his brothers reaction. “But if you want to, probably just ask him to have a drink with you, I’m sure he’d like that”

Alec frowned. “Why would I want that?” he asked. For a second the thought crossed his mind that maybe Magnus had said something to Jace. Something about the two of them, or even worse, maybe something about the nail polish. 

Jace looked at Alec, sending a soft smile, tilted head. “No reason, Alec” he said and looked back down in the papers. 

Alec stood for a second, his mind going through the night before, quickly remembering the night at the hallway, pressed against the wall. Out of breath for a second, he pushed the thought away - no Magnus couldn’t possibly have told Jace about that. 

“Okay, well” he said, determined. “I gotta go. But good meeting, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Sleep tight, Alec” his brother said as Alec walked out the conference room looking around to see if the warlock was still around. He couldn’t find him, but on second thought, there was no reason for him to be here by now. He probably just went back to his apartment, his job here was done for today.

Alec shrugged, he had just wanted to thank him for his help. Maybe just get to talk with him a little bit more before he left, who knew when Alec would get the chance to see him again. 

He thought about that drink Jace had mentioned, walking back to his own room, but there was no reason for that. 

As he reached the hallway right before his own, he heard voices talking. Right away he noticed that, in fact, Magnus was still at the institute. He stopped for a second to listen, but he couldn’t quite hear what the warlock was talking about or who he was talking to. The voices came from further down the hallway. It was weird, because there was no reason for him to be here, even Alec had no reason to be at this hallway

Only a short moment passed as he discussed in his head whether it was appropriate to go interrupt. Thinking about it, no harm would be done if he just listened, who would find out about it, right? He took a look around, but it was late. He was at the hallway housing the offices, no one was here at this hour, it would be safe.

Going closer, he figured that the voices came from an open door in the end of the hallway. It was the office of Andrew Underhill, Head of Security. Alec didn’t know the guy well, he had been working with him on many missions, but had never really gotten to speak with him about personal matters. But the guy seemed nice, pretty face and gorgeous curls. Alec sneaked close, leaning against the wall.

“Yeah I understand” Magnus spoke from behind the wall, every word perfectly clear because of the open door. “And I know it isn’t fair of me, asking you to do this”

“I just never thought you would mind” Andrew said, speaking slow, his confusion clear in his deep, calm voice. “Usually you wouldn’t care. So this just doesn’t seem like you”

“It’s not because I don’t want people to know. I just think it is better if we keep this to ourselves”. Something was off in his usually soft, sparkling voice. He sounded regretful, even afraid in a way. 

“Are you ashamed or something?” Andrew asked.

“No of course I am not”

“Then what is it? You’re 800 years old, why is this a problem?”. His voice didn’t in any way accuse Magnus of anything. He just sounded curious, even worried, like he really cared. “Are you afraid of something”.

“No, I’m not afraid. But it was just something that happened a couple of times, I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea.” Magnus explained.

“Well why would they?”, Andrew asked, sounding confused. Honestly, Alec was feeling very confused himself, he had no idea what this was about. But he did feel a little twist in his chest, knowing the two of them were having this secret that he was not allowed to know about. 

“I don't know. But i just don't see a reason for people to know”. Magnus didn’t sound like he was going to give up. He had a way of putting things, a convincive tone.

“Just in generel? Or is there a certain someone you don’t want to know?”. A tension was in the air as Andrew had spoken the words, it came with a dead silence, only lasting a few seconds. 

Magnus let out a sigh, speaking softly. “I’m not quite sure. I just worry about things that doesn’t even matter”

“Well does this person feel the same way about you?” Andrews finally seemed to understand what this was about.

“That’s the problem, usually I can tell. But I have no idea, it makes me feel vulnerable and then I do stupid things, like asking you to keep quiet about the two of us”, Magnus blurted out, stumbling on his words to get his message across. He made a cute, little, frustrated noise.

“It's all right. I’ll keep our secret”. Andrew’s deep voice sounded so reassuring, Alec had never noticed how calm his voice was before now. But he still didn’t understand what this secret was about, he wondered if he should be worried. What had they done.

“I’m sorry about this, I know it must be weird for you to hear me talk about someone else like this”, Magnus said.

“Magnus, listen. I’m not in love with you, of course you can tell me this. I mean, sure we have had great sex in the past and I wouldn’t mind us doing it again. But if you have found someone you care about, I’m happy for you. And I wouldn’t want to ruin it.”

As the words left Andrews mouth, Alec felt someone move inside of him. Andrew and Magnus had been together like that? More than once? And Andrew still wanted Magnus in this sexual way, it made his chest burn. He felt it clearly, like when he would look into Magnus’ eyes. 

Alec hardly even had time to think things through before he felt something, maybe rage, blurry his mind. Without even thinking about what he was doing, he walked right in. 

“Oh hello, gentlemen, i thought you might be in here. Magnus, do you have time to speak with me? Four eyes only”, Alec said quickly, almost spitting out the words. He had walked right on up to Magnus and was standing just across from him.

“Ehm..”, Magnus answered, the look of surprise on his face, taken aback by the situation. Alec stared straight into his eyes, he had no doubt that the shorter boy was able to see the determination on his face. He breathed in heavily

Magnus didn’t get the chance to answer, so struck by the moment that he couldn’t have answered anyways. Underhill spoke, slowly and surely, “Oh hello Alec, Magnus and I had just finished talking. I will leave the two of you alone”. Alec hardly noticed that he left, so focussed on Magnus’ eyes and the burning feeling in his own chest. He struggled to keep his breathing under control.

Magnus, however, had finally regained control over the situation. “Alec, were you listening by the door?” he asked, sounding hurt and small, the words fragile. 

Alec swallowed. He blinked quickly, being brought back to the situation. “Yes” he said confidently even though he knew that it was not okay. It was obvious anyways, there was no reason to deny it. “Why haven’t you told me that you’ve slept with Underhill?”

Magnus frowned and his face seemed so innocent like that. “Well, I don’t know, does it change anything?” he said, a hint of accusation in his voice. 

The taller boy hesitated, looking for his words. “Well no”

“Then why do you care?”, Magnus asked, pushing the other boy. Alec thought about it for a second, he didn’t know why. And no good reason seemed to appear in his mind.

“I don’t!”, he just said, harshly.

Magnus tilted his head, looking right through the boy in front of him. His eyes burned hot, Alec felt himself lose control of his own breathing once again. “But you do”, the short, gorgeous boy said.

There was no point in lying, for some reason this warlock knew exactly what Alec felt. “Yeah maybe. But i don't know why”, he said, being completely honest, but still with a straight face. 

“Wait.”. Magnus stopped him, putting his hand on Alec’s burning chest. It made Alec swallow, he realized that his hands were sweaty and his throat dry. A sudden dizziness hit him. “You’re not jealous right?”, the boy with the burning eyes asked him.

Alec was uncertain. “Of course I’m not jealous”, he said, however.

“You seem quite jealous to me”. Magnus’ hand was still on his chest, his fingers digging into the fabric of is T-shirt. Alec was very aware of it.

“You know I could fuck you on Underhill’s desk right now if that's what I wanted. I have no reason to be jealous”. Alec stated.

A smirk spread on Magnus’ small mouth, he tilted his head. “Oh stop yourself, I’m not that easy”. 

Alec reached out one of his sweaty hands, placing it on Magnus’ cheek, holding his head still. He felt the warm, soft skin beneath his big hand. He hesitated, but leaned in a bit closer. His eyes were still locked with the man’s before him, this beautiful man that made Alec’s chest burn. He had no idea what he was doing.

“We’ll aren’t you going to stop me before i do this then”, Alec said, voice unsteady. Magnus seemed surprised by his action, his eyes were open wide. Alec knew deep down that no matter what Magnus would say now, he would have to kiss him. He couldn’t help it. 

“No,” Magnus whispered. “Please kiss me.”

Alec leaned in closer, reducing the space between them until his lips were just above the shorter boy’s, still waiting for him to protest. But he didn’t, instead he just closed his burning eyes, escaping into the moment. 

Alec felt the delicate fingers tighten around his T-shirt, he noticed the burn behind the small hand that was still there. He couldn’t stop himself from reducing the last bit of space between them and letting his mouth touch Magnus’ soft lips. 

A wave went through his body, his eyes fell shut and quickly after, his other hand was deep in Magnus’ dark hair. He moved his lips slowly, but firmly, craving more of the sweet feeling of Magnus’ mouth. 

His eagerness built up inside of him, he bit down harshly at Magnus’ lower lip, almost unable to control himself. He had never kissed a boy, the soft sensation was nothing like he had imagined. It made him want more, need more, something he had never needed in this way.

He forced Magnus’ body backwards, pushing it towards the desk. He wanted him on the desk. Their lips still worked together, and as Alec bit the shorter boy’s lip once again with more force, he heard a sweet moan escape his mouth. The sound of it sent waves of lust through Alec’s body and he pulled back at Magnus’ hair, forcing his head slightly backwards and deepening the kiss. 

Swiftly, he reached to grab Magnus’ thighs, carrying the small boy onto the desk. His hands quickly went to his ass, grabbing with force and leaning his own body in even closer so he felt his own cock pressed against Magnus’ through the clothing. Magnus moaned digging his hands into Alec’ hair and pressing the taller boy even closer to his own body, his legs around Alec’s hips. 

“You know I am going to fuck you on this desk now?” Alec whispered, out of breath. He looked at Magnus, his lips were swollen and pink and it made Alec want him even more. Without giving the shorter boy any chance to answer he went back into the kiss, letting his hands slip underneath Magnus’ T-shirt, holding him still just above the hips, just feeling his soft skin and wanting him naked. 

He broke their kiss again, ripping off Magnus’ shirt shortly followed by his own. His eyes, filled with lust, scanned Magnus’ golden-brown chest. He couldn’t control himself, he went in for another kiss, biting once again at the lower lip, feeling Magnus melt beneath his own body. 

His mouth went to kiss Magnus’ cheek, then the sweet spot behind his ear. As he nibbled softly at the smaller boy’s earlobe, kissing and sucking, trailing his tongue down his neck, small sounds of pleasure filled the room. Alec felt his dick throb with lust inside his trousers, he pushed himself closer to Magnus’ body, trying to get some relief. 

Magnus’ small hands went to unbuckle Alec’s belt. In a skilled move, he managed to get both the trousers and the belt open, letting his hand rest on the bulge in Alec’s boxers. Tension built inside Alec, he couldn’t help but let go of a suppressed moan he had been holding back. 

He put a wet kiss at Magnus’ neck, then slowly moved his head upwards, whispering into one ear, “Are you wearing that black nail polish right now?”

“Yes” Magnus said, out of breath. Alec swallowed, breathing heavily into Magnus’ ear. The shorter boy moved his hand, first on top of Alec’s boxers, but then suddenly he put his small, delicate hand inside, wrapping his fingers firmly around Alec’s dick. 

“Good!”, Alec whimpered, his dick hard and throbbing and waves of pleasure shooting through his body. 

He felt the boy in front of him brushing a thumb over Alec’s tip, smearing out the precum that was already there. Magnus started moving his hand, slowly and skillfully, but firmly, forcing small moans to escape Alec’s lips with every movement. 

Alec couldn’t think straight, his grip on Magnus’ hips tightened as he tried to control himself. He ducked his head back into Magnus’ neck, suppressing the moans and biting down on the sensitive skin. Colors started to show as Magnus increased the pace. 

“Take off your clothes” Alec said, needing Magnus now. The shorter boy nodded, pulling his hand back out and Alec swallowed, trying to stay focussed for just a couple of seconds more. 

Magnus did as he was told, sitting naked on the desk shortly after with his cock hard and precum already leaking from the tip. In no time, Alec’s big hand was grabbing around it, moving already in a steady pace. Magnus couldn’t control the moans that left his mouth, he let his head fall backwards and closed his eyes, leaning into the pleasure. 

“You look so sexy like this,” Alec whispered almost without noticing. This boy in front of him was just so perfect, so incredibly hot and Alec wanted him so badly. 

Without much previous experience, Alec wasn’t quite sure about what to do now. He was very aware that he couldn’t just put his dick into the small, delicate boy, no matter how much he just needed him right now. One hand still working on Magnus’ cock, he spat on his index finger and placed it on top of the short boy’s hole, just moving it in small circles, trying to see how sensitive the boy was. 

The reaction was even more perfect than he had hoped, Magnus let out a cry of pleasure as his body twisted slightly underneath Alec’s hands. Without giving him much time to prepare, Alec then put in the first finger, letting it move around inside Magnus, opening him up. 

As the boy let out loud moans and sounds of pleasure, nothing indicating that he was in pain, Alec then put in the second finger. He felt the warm sensation and noticed how sensitive the warlock was as he started moving his fingers around. 

“Are you going to fuck me dry?” Magnus whimpered, still not able to control his own breathing or the sounds escaping his mouth. 

“Do you want me to?”. Magnus’ words had gone straight to Alec’s cock, he almost couldn’t wait anymore, he needed to feel the tightness and heat of Magnus. 

“Yes, please”. The soft, shaky voice was just a whisper, the need for more lingering in the tone. 

Alec pulled out his fingers quickly, spitting on his hand and wrapping up his dick with the salvia, just to be sure he wasn’t hurting Magnus. He pulled his pants and underwear down in one go. His hand still stroked Magnus’ cock with firm strokes, he couldn’t wait a second longer before he pulled into the boy, moaning loudly at the tight sensation. 

“I’m so close” Magnus said beneath him, his eyes still closed and face filled with pleasure. Alec let go of his dick, grabbing both of his hips once again, keeping him in place. He didn’t want him to come quite yet, but it was so hot to know how easily he had gotten him to the edge.

Alec started picking up pace, thrusting deep into the small boy, letting completely go of himself. He was biting down hard on his lower lip very aware of the moans he was fighting to hold back. 

“Alec, please, I am so close” Magnus cried out, reaching to touch his own dick. Alec felt waves of lust go through his body at the sight of the short boy touching himself with Alec’s cock deep inside of him. He couldn’t bare to stop him, he needed to see him come.

“I am gonna cum” Magnus screamed as he came, his ass tightening and his body shaking. Alec only needed few more thrusts before that tight sensation and the sexy look of Magnus shooting all over himself sent Alec over the edge as well. He came hard, loud moans escaping his mouth and filling the room. Completely out of breath, he let his head drop forwards as all the muscles in his body ached and screamed of exhaustion. 

Magnus was panting as well as he dropped to the desk, not able to hold his body’s weight anymore. He was covered in cum and his hair was sticky and messy, but he just looked so sexy. Without even caring much about anything right then, Alec pulled out his dick of Magnus’ tight hole and put his underwears and trousers back on. He reached to grab the desk as if trying to support his body while regaining focus and coming down from his high. 

Only the sound of the two boys panting filled the room. Then Alec stood up straight. 

“I told you I could fuck you if i wanted to”, he said, his voice ruined and rusty. 

“I already knew that”, Magnus managed to say through his heavy breathing. “I just didn’t know you wanted to”.

“No me neither”

“Glad you realized”. the smaller boy joked. “I’ve been wanting for this for almost three months”.

Alec hesitated for a second, shaking his head. “Just don’t tell anyone about it, okay?”, he hurried to say, suddenly realizing what had actually just happened. He was even more confused now than he had been before. But he couldn’t think about it now, he needed to sleep.

Magnus didn’t answer. He just kept silent for a moment, staring into the ceiling with a distant look on his face. His eyes were burning

The white cum was all over his body, dripping from his ass to the floor and making it’s way from his stomach to the desk. Alec sighed. “And we should probably clean this up”


	5. Say cheers!

It had been kind of weird lately. Alec had just gone back to his normal everyday, hunting demons and staying on tasks, but for some reason something seemed to be missing. He hadn’t spoken with the warlock ever since what happened at underhill’s desk and it felt strange, because a part of him longed to speak to Magnus, somehow most of him just erased the memory, pushing it deep back into his mind. 

It was stupid, because he had already known that Magnus wouldn’t be around the institute anymore, his job there was done. Still, something about everything made him feel weird - and not just the part where he realized that he had actually slept with another boy, but also not having heard anything from Magnus. He hadn’t been expecting that.

Additionally, things had been even weirder with Andrew. He worked with the guy everyday and he felt the tension of both of them knowing something they were not supposed to know. Alec had been avoiding him, he was only a reminder of Magnus. 

A part of him was scared that Andrew might tell someone about what had happened, but how much did the guy actually know? He hadn’t been waiting at the door like Alec had, right?

It was just too much to think about, so as much as possible, Alec had been trying to avoid it. He hoped no one had noticed how intense he had been lately, how easily startled. 

But it had now been a week since that night, and a week was apparently just the right amount of time for a warlock to wait. 

Alec’s phone rang, he had the feeling right away that it would be Magnus. A smile ran through his face as he took a look at the caller ID, picking up the phone. 

“It’s Alec” he said. 

“Hello Alexander, It’s Magnus”, a determined voice spoke from the other end of the call. Alec was pleased to hear his voice, but he would never admit it if someone were to ask. “I was wondering if you are busy tonight?”

Alec rolled his eyes, what was this warlock onto? Something inside of him already knew, but he had told himself that it could not happen again. It was a one-time thing, not exactly a mistake, more of a thing that was meant to never be spoken out loud about. 

“Why?” he asked. Thinking about it, he definitely would like to see Magnus again. He found him interesting, he liked talking to him. Something about him just made Alec feel good, but not in any romantic way. He really just wanted to see him again only to talk to him. 

“We’ll I just found this receipt for the most amazing drink and I need someone to drink it with” Magnus stated, sounding excited about it himself. “Maybe you’d like to join me?”

“It sounds like a lot of fun. But unluckily I’m on duty tonight, so I can’t” It was actually true even though it sounded like a lie. 

“Well, what a shame” Magnus said, excitement still in his voice trying to cover a hint of disappointment. 

“However, I have nothing to do tomorrow night. But I’m only showing up if the drinks will be green”, Alec joked and heard the soft laughter from the other end of the phone. 

“It wouldn’t be a real drink if it wasn’t green, would it?”. 

Alec couldn’t deny that. “I’ll see you then” he then said and hung up, just to be a bit dramatic. It is only for a couple of drinks and then straight home, he told himself. He wouldn’t want Magnus to get the wrong impression and he sure wouldn’t want to make a one-time-thing into a two-times-thing, since that was very much against the whole point of it. 

He realized that he had no idea where Magnus lived just as he received a text-message with the address. 

\------

The following day Alec found himself standing outside Magnus’ door, feeling nervous for some reason. He was about to knock on the door as it swung open and an apartment bigger than any Alec had ever seen appeared in front of him. He walked right in, amazed, looking around to take everything in.

Magnus made his entrance, a green drink in his hand. “Well don’t you look amazing, I’m so glad to see you again”

“No, this place looks amazing Magnus, I had no idea you had an apartment this big”

“When you live for centuries, you learn that only the best is good enough”, Magnus stated, getting closer. He was dressed in a glitter shirt, wearing glitter on top of his eyelids as well. He sure was a sparkling boy. 

“Would you mind showing me around?” Alec asked. Magnus smiled, seeming quite satisfied with himself. 

“I would love to” He answered. “But firstly, let me get you that drink”. With a flick of his hand, Alec was holding a green drink identical to the one Magnus was drinking. He liked where this was going. Of course it wasn’t something he would usually do, but it made his body feel light, almost high, just being here at Magnus’ apartment. 

He followed the shorter boy around the home, every room managing to impress him even more than the previous one. It was like going on adventure, he had never really put much thought into making things personal and interior designing. Ever since he was little he had been living at the institute and nothing was more boring than his own room. 

Magnus had always been a bit extra, or so Alec thought. Everything needed to be different, magnificent, it was just how he was. 

The bathroom was what impressed him the most. “Do you even use this” Alec asked, pointing towards the giant bathtub right in the middle of the room. Matching Magnus’ love for glitter and sparkles, it was gold on the edged and shining white inside. 

“Sometimes” the smaller boy said, shrugging. “Rarely alone”

“That definitely doesn’t surprise me” The corner of Alec’s mouth drew into a smile, he scanned the rest of the room, still impressed. 

Magnus let out a soft laugh, explaining to Alec, “You know I’m a warlock, I don’t have to shower if I don’t want to. I do it for the pleasure of it” 

Alec hadn’t really thought about that, neither had he thought much about Magnus as the kind of person to bring home men and women and bring them to his bathroom to impress them in his bathtub. He took a sip of his green drink, welcoming the alcohol into his body. 

Magnus noticed the slight chance in Alec’s look. He changed the subject. “How is it going with catching that demon” he hurried to ask. 

“Oh we killed it about a week ago, right after you left” Alec answered, gladly accepting the change of topic. They went back to the living room, talking back and forth about the demon and how they managed to get close enough to kill it. Before Alec even noticed, he had already finished the first drink that Magnus had given him. He was laughing, already feeling a little bit tipsy but in a way that he liked. 

It was easy talking to the warlock. In no time, they were on the couch and Magnus was telling Alec random stories about how he got some of the things around his house. Some of them were funny, some of them sad, but the conversation came easily. Alec had completely lost track of how many drinks he had had so far. His head was buzzing slightly, but he wasn’t putting much thought into it. 

“Well you have sure experienced a lot of things. How do you even remember all of these things”, Alec asked the shorter boy with a big smile on his face. 

“I only remember the things that matter” Magnus said. They had been scooping closer as they had gotten more to drink, now their arms were slightly touching each other, Magnus’ legs curled up underneath his own body. 

“Well what matters? I mean, I’m not immortal, so you have to tell me the secret” Alec was speaking softly, curious. He looked at Magnus but couldn’t see him clearly, everything was a bit blurry. 

“The thing is you don’t really notice in the moment. Some of the things that matter to you seem so unimportant as they happen”

“Like, ‘you don’t know what you have until you lose it’ kind of thing?” Alec asked, thinking about it for a second.

“In some ways. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes you just stop and think back and then you realize that what you thought was just nothing, it actually mattered.”

“I don’t mean to, like, push you or anything. But what mattered to you that you didn’t seem to realize at the moment it was happening”. Alec was stepping carefully, he hardly knew the warlock and wasn’t sure how sensitive this topic was. They had never really had the chance to talk about something like this before. Thinking about it, Alec didn’t really know much about this person before him, he couldn’t wrap his head around all the things Magnus had experienced long before Alec existed. 

Magnus thought about it for a second, his eyes turning distant. “Well, back when I was living with my dad, he had a certain way of... raising me. To put it mildly.” he said. “I didn’t think much of it back then, I thought it was normal. But now, looking back at it, I know that what he did to me will be carried with me forever. It was not just nothing. But it took decades to realize”

Alec looked at the boy in front of him, empathy showing on his face. He reached out a hand to touch Magnus’ arm carefully, offering him a soft, almost invisible smile. “I’m very sorry about that. You didn’t deserve that. Thank you for sharing it with me”

Magnus let out a soft laugh. “Yeah well, I guess I trust you”. He then reached for his drink, taking a sip. “But it’s important to understand that the things that matter aren’t always pleasant”

“So you’re saying that things that matter, they hurt you?” Alec asked. 

“They have the potential of hurting you, at least. Having something to care about also makes you vulnerable, because it means you also have something to lose”

Alec thought about it for a second. “Have you ever lost someone you were deeply in love with?” He asked. 

Magnus hesitated. “A couple of times. I’m 800 years old, I’ve outlived almost every single person that I have ever cared about.”

“Yeah, you are right, it was a stupid question,” Alec hurried to say. 

“No I get it, it’s totally different for shadowhunters. It must be hard to imagine.”

“It really is, yes. I can’t even begin to understand how painful it would be for me to have to live 800 years without Izzy and Jace”. Alec was just blurting out his feelings, thinking about the pain. Magnus sat in silence beside him, thinking as well. 

He then spoke softly, slowly, “That kind of pain is indescribable. The first time it happened, I was devastated. I had never known pain like that. It took me almost 20 years to completely understand that he was gone and was never going to come back to me.”

“How did you manage to keep going”, Alec asked.

“I honestly have no idea. I’ve been asking myself the same question, but I don’t know how i managed.” Magnus explained. “I’ve tried it another time as well, about 200 years later. It burned just as badly as the first one and i told myself to never fall in love with a mortal person again.”

A second passed as Alec’s mind was running wild. To a shadowhunter it was hard to comprehend the actual pain of outliving a loved someone - and he couldn’t wrap his head around it just then. He let out a deep sight. 

“I’m sorry. And listen, I completely understand if you don’t want to talk about it” He said, then frowning slightly, thinking. “But who were they? Were they shadowhunters?” The curiosity grew inside of him, all the things Magnus had experienced in the past sounded so distant when he spoke about them, it was like Alec couldn’t quite understand that the memories belonged to the same man sitting beside him right then.

“Well not the first one. He was a seelie, gorgeous, but mortal. I was with him for almost 50 years, watched him grow old”

“And the second one?”

“Was a shadowhunter, yes”, Magnus answered, searching for words. “But times were different back then, it wasn’t as acceptable for a shadowhunter to be with a downworlder…”

“So what happened?”

“A lot of things.” Magnus said, pausing. Then he shook his head slightly. “But maybe that will be a story for another day. You probably didn’t come here to hear me talk about who I’ve lost”

Something in his voice made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Alec took in a deep breath. “Well, then I won’t push you anymore”

With a soft touch, Magnus reached out his hand to caress Alec’s cheek, a careful smile spread on his face. “I wouldn’t want to bore you now that I finally have you here”.

Their eyes were locked, burning, and suddenly Alec felt the shorter boy shortening the distance between them slowly. 

“I think it’s about time for a refill then” Alec then hurried to say, reaching out for his glass and breaking the moment, too afraid to stay in it. “After all, that’s what I came here for”

\-----

The rest of the night was just a blur. Alec wasn’t quite sure when exactly he reached the point of total blackout but it had to have been shortly after their honest talk. Apparently, he still hadn’t figured out how to get drunk in a proper way. 

What scared him the most when he woke up was the fact that his head wasn’t hurting quite yet, then he realized that he was still a bit drunk.

He looked around, trying to figure out if he was still at Magnus’ or if he had managed to get home. As to no surprise, he quickly realized that he was in Magnus’ huge bed and beside him was a dark-haired, sleeping warlock, half naked with wet hair. 

He quickly reached up his hand to feel his own hair and fear started building inside of him, it was wet as well. Distant memories of him and Magnus in the bathtub played before him. It couldn’t have been more than one or two hours ago, since he was still drunk and his hair was still wet. 

He had no memory of making out with Magnus and no memory of having had sex with him, either, but right now, he didn’t really trust his own mind. He needed to get home right away before the boy woke up, he couldn’t handle being confronted right now. 

Putting on his clothes he swore to himself to never drink like that again, he couldn’t risk losing control in this way ever again. 

Magnus looked so peaceful, lying on top of the duvet in only his underwears. There was no way he was going to be awake within the next couple of hours. A frown found its way to Alec’s face, they couldn’t have had sex, could they? Wouldn’t they both have been naked and sticky if that had been the case? 

Shaking the thought off, he hurried to collect the rest of his things and get going. 

Once he was back at the institute, he tried his best to avoid eye contact with everyone he met on his way. He just needed to get to his room and sleep at least 5 hours more, then he would handle and regret the things that had happened. 

He busted into his room, the tiredness catching up with him and slightly feeling a headache start. 

“Oh, Alec!” A shocked voice spoke from inside his room as he came crashing in, he hadn’t even seen her. “I thought you weren’t going to be back so early”

Alec was taken aback, standing in the door and feeling panic spread through his body. “Izzy? What the hell are you doing?”

Izzy was at Alec’s desk, every drawer was out and on the table all his things had been thrown, alongside Izzy’s green nail polish. Alec couldn’t handle this right now, it was just too much for him. 

“I didn’t mean to look through you stuff, I promise, I jus…”

“Why the hell are you doing it then? Wtf, don’t you have any respect of privacy?” Right now, Alec didn’t have the energy to play nice. 

“Well I could ask you the same, don’t you think I know where you got this from?” Izzy said then, picking up the nail polish and pointing it threateningly at Alec. “This is mine”

“Well take it then, and leave my things the fuck alone? Are you spying on me or something?”’

“Well sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to bust in at seven o’clock, I thought you were at Magnus’”, she said with a hint of accusation in her voice, it made Alec’s blood heat up. 

“Why would you think something so stupid, don’t ever say something like that again”

“Well then stop lying to me. Stop pretending like you haven’t been sleeping at Magnus’ place and stop pretending like you aren’t wearing my nail polish behind my back”

Without thinking, Alec was standing right before Izzy, a tight grip around her arm. He was angry. 

“You are the one in my room, don’t make this about me” he said, shaking her violently. “Tell me what you are even doing in here”

They both just stared at each other, too much emotion and clearly not enough sleep, making both of their eyes burn with anger. 

“I’m just looking for something” Izzy said. She was a stubborn girl, but Alec also knew his own sister. Something was off, something was wrong with her. 

“Tell me what you are looking for, then” he ordered her. 

Izzy blinked quickly. “No” she said. They were just looking at each other for a couple of seconds, Alec refusing to let go of Izzy’s arm. Then, without any warning, a wet tear fell from one of Izzy’s eyes. 

Alec’s grip softened around her arm. “Izzy why are you crying?” he then asked, still not letting her go, but feeling the concern built inside of him. It was his own sister after all. 

She was breathing quickly, only now breaking their eye contact. “I’m not crying” she protested. 

“I can see you are crying, why?” Alec said harshly.

“Look I’m alright okay, just let me leave”

“Izzy! Tell me why you are crying,” Alec kept on insisting, he knew Izzy was not one to ask for help. She never liked feeling like someone who needed anyone. 

“I’m not sad, I just can’t control it. And I can’t sleep. I can’t eat”, she said, clear in her voice that this scared her. 

“This is not what i think it is, right?”

“I only meant to use it when the pain was unbearable, but I couldn’t stop once I started”

Alec felt so stupid at that moment, blaming himself for everything. He quickly forgot everything that had just been happening, he let go of Izzy’s arm. 

“And you thought that I might have more in here. Did you already use all of it?” he asked, not believing what was happening.

“Almost, yes. I have a couple of drops left. But I need more of that serum, Alec, you don’t understand. You are the only one I know who has been poisoned before, I didn’t know where else to look”

Alec let out a deep sight, his sister’s eyes started to water even more now. He couldn’t help but think that this was all his fault, he had been stupid enough to give her addictive serum just because of a hangover. He couldn’t stand seeing her in this kind of pain. 

“Look, I got you into this, i’ll help you out of it. It can be very dangerous to do a cold turkey on this kind of serum. If I get more, will you promise me to get out of this addiction?” he asked her.

Izzy nodded, her eyes red and swollen. “I will try my best”


	6. Asking for a favor

Oh, how Alec hated this situation he had managed to put himself in. He had gotten mixed up in too many things at once. He knew what he had to do, but just the thought of it already made him doubt everything he was. 

He had promised Izzy to get that serum, he reminded himself. Additionally, the only reason she had ended up in this situation and needed it in the first place was because of him - the least thing he could do was help her out.

Helping her however also meant asking Magnus for help, and right at the moment Alec didn’t really trust himself when he was around the warlock. He still hadn’t managed to figure out how things got so out of control last time, how he had been stupid enough to spend the night. And maybe even other things he couldn’t even remember. It scared him. 

Alec had been feeling weird the past two days, convincing himself he needed to think it through before doing anything. But he was running out of time, Izzy only had enough serum left for one or two more days, and Alec still wasn’t even sure if Magnus was able to help at all. It wasn’t just the thing with Izzy that worried Alec, though, he had been starting to question things about himself as well. 

It was just so new to him and he wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge it just yet. It was this burn that he had been feeling around the warlock, he was starting to wonder what it was and what it meant. He would never admit to it, but it had made him question whether this person he was trying to be was really him. 

What kept on happening when he let go of control couldn’t just be coincidental. But he needed time, just the thought of having to face Magnus and force the confrontation of his own feelings scared him. However, he still knew what he had to do. He owed Izzy that much. 

He thought about calling Magnus beforehand, but wasn’t sure what to tell him. It was better to just show up and handle everything then.

So he did. With three determined knocks he announced his visit. Not really sure whether to expect the door to fly open and Magnus to appear in glitter and gold, offering him a drink, he waited. And he waited just long enough for the thought to strike him, that maybe Magnus wasn’t home. Maybe he had left to go see someone, or maybe he had a client. 

Then the door opened, slowly and just enough for Magnus’ small head to pop out. He sure wasn’t wearing glitter and gold, his hair was messy and eyeliner was smeared around his face. 

“Oh, Magnus - am i interrupting something?” Alec hurried to ask, already telling himself how stupid it was not to warn Magnus that he was coming beforehand. Maybe he would have to sit and wait for Magnus to make the serum alongside some handsome vampire, just waiting for Alec to leave so he could go back to fucking Magnus.

“No”, Magnus said softly. He opened the door slightly more, revealing his short body and a black pyjamas. He looked so comfortable and no way near someone with the title as High Warlock of Brooklyn. He looked just like an ordinary Magnus. 

“Are you on your way to go to bed?” Alec asked, a bit startled. “If that’s the case, then I’ll just swing by tomorrow morning-”

“I’m not, it’s only eight o’clock you know?”

“Yeah I know, but you’re in your pyjamas and all. And I don’t mean to interrupt.” Alec knew it was a bad idea to come. He already felt weird about being here, he felt like crossing a line just because that now he had seen Magnus in his pyjamas. It felt even weirder than seeing him naked. 

“You’re not interrupting anything, I just wasn’t expecting you” Magnus said reassuring, offering Alec a soft smile. Alec’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I should have told you. Uhm… I kind off need a favor?”

“Okay,” Magnus said slowly, a hint of disappointment showing on his face. “Well, what do you need?”

Alec hesitated for a moment, not quite sure how to put it. As the moment passed, Magnus let out a sigh, then opened the door wider. 

“Okay come on in and we’ll discuss it”, he said and Alec obeyed. 

“I’ll just wait here if you want to… like… get dressed or something”, Alec hurried to offer as they walked to the living room.

“Why, is it bothering you?” 

“no no, that’s not what I meant, i just thought that-”

“I haven’t really been dressed all day”. Magnus shrugged. He looked a bit.. drained. Almost as if all his energy had been sucked out of him, Alec noticed. “But tell me what you need”

“Okay.. remember that first time we met, back when Izzy was poisoned with demon poisoning?” Alec asked, unsure of how to put it. 

“Yes?”

“Well, it took her some time to get totally back to normal. So she came to me and asked me about a certain kind of serum-”

“The ko hal serum?” Magnus interrupted, worry already spreading on his face. 

Alec sighed, a lump starting to appear in his throat. “I don’t know what it is called, but you put one or two drops into your eye and then your body feels completely numb for some time. I got it back when i was poisoned”

“Why would she need that?” Magnus asked with a sharp voice. 

Alec almost couldn’t say it out loud. “She came to me with a headache” he started off saying. Then he shook his head, letting out a deep breath. “She came to me with a hangover, asking if she could have it - I didn’t know she was going to use it more than just that one time”

“You gave your sister ko hal because of a hangover”, Magnus said slowly, not really as a question, more as if to double check that he was understanding this correctly. 

Alec nodded. “I know now that it was stupid”.

“But why didn’t she just use her iratze-rune?” 

“Well she said it didn’t work,” Alec explained, not knowing much about demon poison and their effect on the body, other than what he had experienced back then himself. 

Magnus let out a deep sigh, shaking his head. “Well once the poison is gone from your body, the runes work again. She probably didn’t even try it”

“Look, I don’t know, but now she is addicted and I need to get her more serum”. Alec wasn’t here to discuss whether it was stupid or not, he knew that he had made a mistake. He didn’t need Magnus to look at him with that look. 

“Yes, ko hal-addiction needs to be taken serious. But Alexander, you need to help her get out of this.”

“I know. And I will” Alec said, trying to make Magnus realise how much he wanted to help. 

“Good”, Magnus said, nodding slowly. “Then I’ll make the serum”.

The warlock went to a shelf and got some ingredients, quickly mixing them together in a small bottle. Alec was surprised of how easily the serum was made. 

“There you go,” Magnus said, handing over the serum to the tall boy. Alec reached out for it, turning it in his hand, feeling grateful but also guilty all at once. This was the part that he had been fearing the most, but he couldn’t just leave yet. 

“Magnus, listen,” he started off, looking down at the small bottle in his hand, feeling a bit nervous. “I’m very grateful about this. I know I had no right to come here and ask you this after how I have been acting. It wasn’t really fair of me”

“Well… I just guess I never saw you as the kind of person who’d sneak out in the morning”, Magnus said, his voice still a bit stiff. Alec could tell that it had hurt him, and honestly he didn’t blame him. 

“I don’t remember anything Magnus, we were sitting on the couch one second and the next second, I woke up next to you” Alec tried to explain. He looked at Magnus, catching his eyes and already feeling his chest burn. 

“You could have called, at least”. 

“I know, but I didn’t know what to say. I got scared. I didn’t even know if we had slept together or if-”

“Would it really have been that bad if we had?” Magnus interrupted, the hint of pain still clear in his voice. 

“You don’t get it. This isn’t what you think it is, it’s just a sexual need, nothing more.”

“Well, you’re not the only one with sexual needs. Stop pretending like it’s something forbidden.” Magnus said harshly. 

Alec sighed, shaking his head. “You know it doesn’t just work like that”

“But it does, Alexander. If you want it to.”

Magnus took a step forwards, reducing the space between the two of them. He reached out his hand, his fingers slightly touching Alec’s before picking up the serum and placing it gently on the table beside the couch. 

“Magnus, I can’t do this”, Alec said, but too paralyzed to move his body away. He just looked Magnus straight in the eyes. 

“You can’t stay in control of this forever,” Magnus said, reaching out a hand to cup Alec’s cheek. Alec swallowed, feeling his heart race. 

“I won’t. I just need time to figure this out.” He was breathing quickly, blood pumping violently through his body. A moment passed were none of them did anything besides just looking at each other, waiting for the other person to move. 

Then Magnus sighed, removing his hand and breaking their eye contact. And that was when Alec decided that it couldn’t hurt to let go of the control for just another second. He reached out both hands and grabbed Magnus’ face, forcing their lips to meet in a kiss. 

The shorter boy was taken aback, slightly startled, but quickly he relaxed into the kiss and started moving his lips. Alec held Magnus’ face in place as he let his tongue slide along the soft lower lip, as if asking Magnus to deepen the kiss. The shorter boy obeyed, opening his mouth slightly allowing their tongues to meet. 

Magnus placed his hands around Alec’s neck, softly pulling at his short hair. It made Alec grip the shorter boy’s hips, forcing their bodies even closer together. Then, one hand found its way to Magnus’ ass, gripping it hard. Magnus’ body was still covered in the soft, black fabric and the feeling of his body through the silk was even hotter than Alec would like to admit. 

The next second he was pushing the warlock backwards until the couldn’t go any further, he forced his body back into the wall. A soft moan left Magnus’ mouth and Alec quickly started kissing the cheek, then went to press wet kisses and biting slightly at the skin behind the ear. More sounds of pleasure followed and Alec was in no doubt that Magnus loved this. He could feel Magnus’ fingernails digging into his back and scratching the skin within reach. 

His tongue trailed further down the short boy’s body, nippling just above his collar bone. Alec reached underneath the soft silk to feel the warmth of Magnus’ body, not able to help himself from breaking the contact for just long enough to tear of his own and the silky black shirt to reveal Magnus’ golden-brown chest, toned and hot. 

Going back in for the kiss, he pinned the short boy’s arms against the wall and deepened the kiss instantly, biting slightly on the lower lip. Alec loved to hear the small sounds Magnus were making, he loved to feel him shake underneath his touch and know that he just wanted Alec. 

In need of some relief from his throbbing cock, he leaned closer to the boy, pressing his crotch against Magnus’, enjoying how the shorter boy twitched with pleasure underneath him. 

He couldn’t wait anymore, he needed Magnus now. Moving his hands to grab the boy in front of him by the ass, he started pushing him towards the bedroom, their lips still intertwined. Magnus’ arms were wrapped around the taller boy’s neck, trying to keep himself steady, however it wasn’t good enough for Alec. He slipped his hands further down, picking up the boy, both hands grabbing his thighs hard. 

He threw Magnus onto the bed. Just as he had let go of him, he pulled down both his silk pajamas and his boxers in one go, not wanting them to be in the way for another second. He admired the handsome boy swiftly, but not able to wait for long, his mouth was quickly kissing Magnus’ neck once again, making its way down his body. 

He held the boy down by his hands, moans and heat filling the air. 

“Aren’t you going to be naked?” Magnus managed to ask, breathing heavily, lust filling up his body. 

“Not quite yet” Alec answered, kissing his way down the shorter boy’s chest, biting softly at the nipple before letting his tongue trail alongside the toned muscled on his stomach. “Where do you keep the lube?”

Magnus didn’t even bother to go and get it, he just flicked his hand, making a new one appear. Alec snapped it out of his hand, placing it by his side. 

Then, he took Magnus’ dick into his mouth. Moans and sounds of pleasure escaped Magnus’ soft lips, he forced his head backwards and grabbed a pillow behind his head with both hands, digging his fingers deep into the soft material. 

Alec’s big mouth was covering almost all of the smaller man’s cock, the heat enclosed around it. As Alec’s head started bobbing slowly up and down, Magnus’ small sounds turned deeper and his body tensed up underneath the touch. 

Something about the High Warlock needing Alec like this turned him on in ways he wouldn’t admit to. He moved his tongue to caress the head of the stiff cock and got the reaction he was searching for, Magnus’ body twitched lovingly. 

With his head still working on Magnus’ length, picking up pace slightly, Alec’s hands moved to touch the soft, golden-brown inner thighs. At first, he just moved his fingertips on top of the skin just between Magnus’ legs, but then his fingers started to caress his balls. The shorter boy spread his legs more open at the touch. 

With gentle touches, Alec gave more attention to the shorter boy’s balls, still keeping his pace at the length. Judging by the sounds filling the room, Magnus was enjoying the pleasure. 

“Alec, please,” he begged, trying to catch enough breath to speak. “Please, I’m so close”

Alec stopped moving his head, his mouth still covering Magnus’ dick and his hand still caressing his balls. His tongue was running slowly up and down the base of the sparkling boy’s dick. 

“Please,” Magnus repeated, his voice rough. 

But Alec didn’t want Magnus to finish just yet, he needed to watch him beg even more. He couldn’t help but feel his own cock throb in his pants, just thinking about how much pleasure he could give the boy in front of him right now if he wanted to. 

As he moved his head to let the cock hit the cold air in the room, he reached out for the small bottle of lube, already coating up the first finger. 

And just as Magnus felt the lack of sensation on his cock, Alex was moving one finger in soft circles on top of the warlocks hole. He didn’t wait long before pressing it into him, almost able to push it to the bottom right away. 

Magnus let out a small cry of pleasure with only a slight hint of pain. His body was tense, all the muscles contracting at once. Alec held his finger still inside the small body until he felt Magnus relax once again. Provoking soft moans, he then started moving his finger first in circles and later in and out. Alec didn’t know much about fingering another boy, all he had to guide his way was the sounds escaping Magnus’ mouth. 

As the tight clench of the hole was loosening, Alec took out the finger and coated up a second one as well. He moved them in slowly this time, stopping halfway through to form small circles. As they reached the bottom, he bent his fingers inside Magnus.

The sensation caused the warlock to twitch underneath the touch, deep sounds of pleasure escaping his mouth. He grabbed the pillow behind his head even harder. Alec continued, but with more force, and shortly after the boy in front of him was a panting mess, not able to control his own body. 

Still hitting that one spot inside Magnus, Alec once again took the smaller boy’s dick inside his mouth and started moving his head again. 

“Alec I’m gonna come”, Magnus whimpered and once again, Alec stopped the movement of his head, still holding his dick in his mouth. He was on his knees, one hand opening Magnus’ hole, the other hand trying to open up his own trousers and belt. 

Then without warning, Alec removed both his hand and mouth at once. Magnus hardly had time the feel the lack of sensation before Alec was thrusting his dick hard into the warlocks small body, hitting the bottom in the first go. 

He didn’t take much time to wait for Magnus to adjust before he picked up his pace, needing to feel the pleasure himself as well. But Magnus was already relaxing into the feeling, moaning loudly, almost screaming underneath the tall boy. 

Alec’s hand reached for Magnus’ dick, thrusting into him quickly with force, but moving his own hand slowly on the shaft. “Alec, please, I’m so close” he whimpered once again. He had been on the edge for long now, and Alec knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it back for much longer. 

“Not just yet”, Alec ordered, however. 

“Please”, Magnus whimpered, almost just a whisper. Tears was rolling down his eyes, but he looked so sexy, so hot. Alec felt the sensation built inside his stomach as well. 

“Now” he said just as Magnus couldn’t hold it in anymore, he let out a scream as he came hard on his own stomach. Just the sight before him, made Alec let go as well and release inside of Magnus’ hole, his pace slowing down as he rode the orgasm. His hand stilled it’s movement on Magnus’ cock and his hips stopped moving.

They both just stayed like that for another moment, breathing heavily and trying to regain focus, coming down from their highs. Alec pulled out of Magnus, causing the semen to run out his hole and onto the bed, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He collapsed beside the warlock, lying on his back with his hands on his chest. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, his body was shaking lightly and his muscles aching. 

They just stayed like that for a moment. “Don’t tell me you’ve never tried that before,” Magnus said then, once he was in control of his breathing again. 

“Tried what?” Alec asked, frowning, sweaty and sticky beside the warlock.

“Fingering a boy”. Both of them were just staring into the ceiling, Alec’s trousers still halfway down his legs. He couldn’t bother to get up right now and put them back on.

“I fingered you before,” Alec stated after a moment. He wasn’t really sure what to tell Magnus.

“Not like that. You know what to do, I-”

“Well, you seemed to like it, so what’s the matter?” Alec asked. He knew where this was going.

Magnus turned his head to look at Alec, his glance digging into the side of Alec’s face. “I did.” Magnus said. “But, like, was that really your first time doing it?”

“If you are asking me if i’ve had my fingers up someone else’s ass before, the answer is no,” Alec said, cutting it out for Magnus, wanting this conversation to be over. He knew he wasn’t experienced in any way and it was weird to think about how many people Magnus must have slept with through the past 8 centuries.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, like, push you or anything, I meant it as a compliment,” Magnus said, realizing only now that Alec didn’t want to talk about the subject. “You don’t have to talk about you sexual past if you don’t want to, I get it”

Alec sighed, closing his eyes. “There wouldn’t be much to talk about anyways”

He still felt the short boy’s burning eyes at his face, he was expecting him to ask another question, wanting Alec to explain further, but he didn’t. He just kept quiet. 

Then Alec finally turned his face, locking his eyes with Magnus’. “Can we just keep this to ourselves?” he asked, feeling the heat spread through his body. Magnus didn’t answer, but Alec was in no doubt that he would not tell anyone about it. For some reason, he trusted this warlock with the burning eyes.


	7. Let me be honest

It had been hard for Alec to stay focussed lately. The day after what happened in Magnus’ apartment, he had started to think about everything. He knew some things had changed, their relationship had changed, but he wasn’t quite sure how. 

Three days after what happened in Magnus’ apartment, Alec realized that he missed the warlock. He didn’t know yet if he missed having sex with him or if he just missed talking to him, he thought that maybe it was both. 

Alec had been thinking through different scenarios, trying to figure out what it was he wanted. He was sure he didn’t want a relationship with Magnus, he couldn’t tell exactly why but the thought of it scared him. It wasn’t really because of what other people might think, he was just scared that this image he had of himself would change. The person he had always thought he was. This person was never meant to fall in love with a warlock. 

About four days after what happened in Magnus’ apartment, Izzy noticed that something was off. She tried talking to her brother, but he didn’t seem to want to let her know what was bothering him. 

“Is this about my addiction” she had asked, but Alec wouldn’t want her to worry and certainly wouldn’t want her to think that this had anything to do with her. 

“No, it’s about something else”, Alec had answered, pointing out that she wasn’t part of this problem. 

“Did something happen at Magnus’?” Izzy wasn’t stupid and as she had asked the question out loud, Alec finally seemed to realize that what happened at Magnus’ was the main reason for why he had been feeling strangely empty lately. But he couldn’t tell why. 

Izzy had told him to stop keeping things to himself, because it would only stack up inside of him. She told him he needed to talk to someone, if he liked, she would gladly listen, if not, then to someone else.

Eight day after what happened at Magnus’ apartment, Alec finally told himself to stop being so stupid, to stop pretending like nothing was happening inside of him. Then he texted Magnus, sent a simple, ‘I kinda miss you and I don’t know why.’

The next couple of days were weird. They had just been texting back and forth, Alec had been looking at his phone every other second to check if Magnus had sent a text. It wasn’t really about anything serious, just updates on how their days had gone, telling each other stupid jokes or explaining something funny that had happened. But it had made the emptiness disappear. 

It wasn’t like they were flirting, at least Alec didn't think so. They just liked talking to each other, it was more of a friendly tone. 

Two weeks after what had happened in Magnus’ apartment, Alec was in his room, fresh out of the shower after a long day. He was just getting dressed as Magnus sent a text. 

‘I need to see you. can you come by?’

\------

Alec was sitting on Magnus’ couch about two hours later. He had somehow been expecting Magnus to greet him in glitter with a colorful drink in his hand, already tipsy. But Magnus had always been full of surprises, so here Alec was, drinking a hot, steamy cup of tea, sharing a blanket with the usually so glittery warlock. Right now, he was just soft and warm to look at, he was wearing comfortable clothes and almost no makeup. Alec somehow loved it. 

Magnus had put on a movie, Alec wasn’t really paying much attention, he was deep in his own thoughts. All of this had felt so surreal, it had been like whatever he did around Magnus, it didn’t really affect his reality. He could have kissed Magnus just as many times as he wanted to, but it wouldn’t change anything.

And there he was, sitting underneath the warm blanket filled with the smell of Magnus, and everything suddenly started to feel real in a weird way. It was like something had changed, maybe it was just Alec.

“Hey, are you alright?” Magnus asked softly, his head tilted. 

Alec blinked quickly, then turned his face to look at Magnus. The worry and the flames behind his eyes caused Alec to feel the heat inside is body. He had gotten used to it by now, in some way he was actually starting to enjoy it. It was just a sensation that made him think about Magnus. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking,” Alec said with a faint smile. 

“Are you sure?”. It was clear in his voice that he didn’t want to push Alec, he was just worried. 

Alec nodded. “I just need to catch up with everything happening at the moment.” he said. 

Magnus seemed to understand. He reached for his cup of tea, holding in between his small hands to warm them up. “How is Isabelle doing?”

“Seems like she is doing fine, but I haven’t really been that good at checking on her. I’ve been kind of off for the past two weeks”, Alec admitted, knowing it was of no use to deny it. And he trusted Magnus, he wanted to open up to him and be honest, just as Izzy had told him to. 

“You should keep a close eye on her, but I completely understand” Magnus said, taking a sip of his tea. He then looked down at his hands. “Honestly, I haven’t really been feeling great the past two weeks either.”

To be completely honest, Alec hadn’t noticed before now or even thought about how Magnus was feeling with everything going on. Usually Alec wasn’t this selfish, but he hadn’t even for a second stopped to consider how the warlock was doing. Alec suddenly felt the guilt creep up on him, here this gorgeous boy was, clearly hurt, and Alec didn’t even notice.

“I’m very sorry about that,” was all that Alec could seem to say. Then they both sat in silence for some time, pretending like they followed what was happening in the movie. 

This weird feeling seemed to be all over Alec. Like a wave of sadness had hit him, like he needed to be around Magnus, even though the boy was sitting right beside him. It was hard for him to understand what it was, but something about the two of them sitting there, curled up únderneath the blanket, both of them pretending like nothing was wrong, it made Alec feel empty in some way. 

He felt it in his chest and couldn’t control how his breath caught. The whole situation just made him emotional for some reason. He just stared into the air, his hands tightening around the cup of tea in his hands. 

“Look, you can tell me if something is wrong,” Magnus stated. “But of course you don’t have to”

It did snap Alec back to reality for a second, reducing this distance he was feeling between himself and the shorter boy. Alec knew it wasn’t fair of him to get Magnus mixed into any of this, he had to figure out himself what he wanted. Otherwise it would only make things worse. 

“Thanks, I’m just having a hard time concentrating,” Alec said.

“Do you want me to turn off the movie?” the shorter one hurried to offer, the look on his face soft and warm. 

“I don’t really care,” Alec just said, but he kind of wanted to just sit in silence, only him and Magnus in the room. The warlock seemed to know, he flicked his hand and the screen went black. 

A couple of seconds passed, they were both just taking small sips of tea and staying in the moment. “Actually, I got something for you,” Magnus then said, softly. 

“For me?” 

“Yeah. I mean, it’s a gift. If you want it,” Magnus’ cheeks turned a slight shade of pink, like suddenly he was embarrassed for haven gotten something for Alec. 

“Yeah but why?” 

“I’ll just go get it,” the warlock said, placing his tea on the table as he went to his bedroom. Cold air slid underneath the blanket as he left, Alec already felt the sting from his missing presence. 

He came back a second later and as he sat down on the couch, Alec noticed what he was carrying in one hand. Alec felt his heart skip a beat, swallowing and putting his own tea mug on the table, he sat up straight. 

“Here. I liked the color and thought about you,” Magnus said, as he handed Alec a small bottle of nail polish, dark grey but with a slight hint of blue, Alec loved it. It looked like it was made to be worn on the hand of a man.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do this,” Alec said and took it in his own hand, turning it around to look at it closely. 

“I know. But I thought I would teach you how to put it on properly,” Magnus teased, a smirk playing on his lips. 

“Yeah, like you would know, don’t you just use magic?”

“Sometimes. But I’ve lived 800 years, surely I’ve tried doing it without magic once or twice.” The soft smile on Magnus’ face made Alec believe him. Alec nodded.

Magnus scooped a bit closer, his legs underneath his own body, pointing towards Alec. “I can show you how to do it on your hands, and then you can try on mine?” Magnus offered. Alec turned on the couch as well, so they were both looking directly at each other, their knees touching in the middle. Handing over the nail polish and offering one hand, Alec felt kind of nervous. Or more likely, excited. 

The warlock opened up the small bottle and placed it on the table beside the mugs. He held Alec’s hand lightly in his own as he started painting the nails with swift movements. And it came kind of as a surprise how good he actually was at this, every movement precise. 

“The secret is putting a little pressure on the brush, but not too much, because then the polish will be everywhere,” Magnus said slowly, concentrating as he spoke. 

“You are really good at this.” Alec was amazed, just looking at how his dull nails turned pretty.

“Thank you,” Magnus said proudly, finishing up the last nail. He then flicked his hand and the polish dried. “Now you try”

A smile spread on Alec’s face as he took Magnus’ hand in his, reaching to dip the brush in the small bottle on the table. He wasn’t quite as talented, but he tried to do as Magnus had told him to. The first hand was quite alright, he thought, better than last time he had tried it. 

The second seemed easier to paint, he bit down his lip, concentrating, zoning out to make the polish appear perfect. A small chuckle filled the room. 

“You know you look incredibly cute when you paint my nails,” Magnus said, hidden behind a soft laugh. Alec blushed. 

“Shut up. I’m concentrating,” He finished up the last finger, backing away to admire his own work. Magnus showed both hands. 

“It looks quite alright,” the shadowhunter said, tilting his head slightly to get a better look. 

“You’re a natural talent,” Magnus teased, a hint of irony clear in his voice. Alec hit him on the upper arm.

Flicking his hand, the paint on Magnus’ fingers dried in as well. Alec took a look at the short boy in front of him, smiling. He looked so fair, so soft, his body small, but masculine, and his nails painted in the dark grey color. 

“It makes you look really good, you know,” Alec stated. 

“The nail polish?” 

“Yeah. It makes you look quite sexy,” Alec had been denying it all evening, but now he couldn’t. He knew he wanted the boy, he couldn’t help himself. He swallowed, waiting for a response. 

“It looks quite nice on you as well,” Magnus said with a soft smile playing on his lips. Their eyes were locked, blood burning through Alec’s veins as Magnus reached out a hand placing it on the taller boy’s thigh. Alec didn’t break the eye contact, but he imagined how small Magnus’ hand would look there. 

Then the pressure on his thigh increased as Magnus leaned forwards, holding his weigh on the thigh for a second before placing the other hand on Alec’s chest, forcing him backwards on the couch. Their lips met in a soft kiss, Magnus on top of Alec.

Magnus moved his hands, one supporting his body's weight planted on the couch next to Alec’s chest, one holding Alec’s face, caressing his cheek. The kiss deepened, both boys filling up with lust. It felt different for Alec to not be in control, but he just relaxed into it, enjoying it. 

The short boy moved his hand downwards, tugging on Alec shirt. He let one hand slip in underneath, softly touching and caressing. Shortly afterwards, Alec’s hands were underneath Magnus’ shirt as well, feeling his golden-brown skin and the heat from his body. 

Magnus’ lips broke the kiss to leave small traces on Alec’s chin, then his neck. Enjoying the pleasure of the smaller man’s mouth, Alec let out a moan as his head fell backwards, allowing Magnus more space. He felt the lust built and his dick getting hard in his pants. 

Magnus’ mouth was still kissing and sucking lightly on Alec’s neck, the small hands found its way to the zipper in Alec’s trousers, and seconds later it was open. Alec felt paralyzed in a way, he couldn’t move, he just lied there and waited, feeling the pleasure of the soft kisses and touches. It was new for him not to be in control. 

Then the pressure of the boy on top of him disappeared. Suddenly, Magnus was pulling at Alec’s trousers and boxers, getting them off in one go. Turning to look, Alec was met with the sight of the small, gorgeous boy, wrapping both hands around his cock. The nail polish seemed so perfect on his fingers from this point of view, sensation of pleasure shot through his body all at once. 

He wanted to say something, to tell Magnus how fucking hot he looked, but he didn’t get the chance before Magnus was moving his hands, forcing moans to leave Alec’s mouth.

Not leaving much time for Alec to get used to the pleasure, Magnus’ mouth was licking the base of Alec’s length, his tongue running upwards until it played with the tip of Alec’s dick. It was hard not to throw his head back in pleasure, but Alec wanted to see this, it turned him on even more to just look at the gorgeous boy. 

Magnus was sucking on the hard cock, using both hands to make the sensation more powerful. His eyes were locked with Alec’s as his head bobbed slowly up and down, they were burning hot, causing Alec to feel the heat in his body. 

One hand found its way to Alec’s balls, caressing carefully with the slow pace working on his dick. Teasingly slow. 

“Please go faster,” Alec tried to say through small sounds escaping his mouth. He didn’t like to beg, but it was too much for him. He needed this badly. 

Magnus obeyed, one hand still firmly grabbing the cock and picking up pace alongside his mouth. The tip of his tongue had found its way to the head of the cock, swirling around it. He was going faster now and Alec almost couldn’t think straight, he had never imagined how pleasurable this would have been. He had never tried it before.

Suddenly, Alec started to feel the heat built up in his stomach. “Magnus, you gotta stop,” He tried to say, he didn’t want to finish before having given any pleasure to the gorgeous warlock. 

But Magnus didn’t stop, he intensed the blowjob, going harder on the length and making it even more wet. “I’m really close.” Alec was in no doubt that Magnus knew how close he was and just how much Alec was enjoying this sensation, how it was making him shake lightly with pleasure. 

He couldn’t hold it back much longer, he was pushed over the edge, loud sounds escaping his mouth and his head shooting backwards as he released inside Magnus’ mouth. Everything was blurry for a second as the orgasm went through his body, curling up his toes and leaving him numb. 

Magnus swallowed all of it and kept going until Alec came down from his high. He lied down on top of the gorgeous shadowhunter in front of him, this time resting with the whole weight of his body, his face on Alec’s chest. Alec noticed the hesitation, like he wasn’t quite sure whether it was alright for him to lie on top of the taller boy, but he did it anyways. 

Silence spread through the room as they both caught their breath, Alec moved one hand to dig it into Magnus’ hair, caressing softly. He liked this. 

“You are being too good to me today,” he said, laughing softly. Adrenalin still pumped through his body, so he couldn’t think clearly just yet. 

“I’m just feeling really happy right now, that’s all,” Magnus said with a smile, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of Alec. 

“Actually, me too”

They both just lied there for a second, trying to comprehend the situation. “It’s just a bit weird,” Magnus then said, softly. “Like, I know what you said about all of this just being a sexual need. And I thought that was all it was to you, but then you sent me that text-”

“What text?” Alec asked, frowning.

“You know the ‘i kinda miss you’-text? Remember?” Magnus didn’t move. 

“Yeah? What about it?” Alec still wasn’t following, but his voice was soft and curious. 

“It made me doubt whether you missed me in the sexual way or… like, in this kind of way. But I just didn’t want to get my hopes up,” the shorter one explained, sounding kind of vulnerable as he spoke. 

“What do you mean with ‘or this kind of way’. You just gave me a blowjob, isn’t that a sexual need?” Alec asked, finally understanding what Magnus meant to say. 

“Yeah, kind of. But it just feels like more.”

“I don’t think it does. I mean, we watched a movie like friends and then we did something sexual. It’s not really more than that,” Alec hurried to say, not wanting Magnus to think anything of this that it wasn’t. 

“Oh..” he just exhaled. None of them spoke, they just lied there. Magnus was breathing softly, then he pushed himself off of Alec, sitting up on the couch. 

“I know what I said to you about sexual needs and, like, that it doesn’t have to be more than that.” he started off saying, pausing for a second. “I thought I was fine with that”

Alec already knew where this was going and it felt weird for him to have this conversation while his pants were halfway down his legs. He sat up and put his boxers and trousers back on so both of them were dressed once again, sitting across from each other. 

“I just don’t understand,” Alec said, once he had zipped his trousers. “You are the one who said that we could do it that way.”

“I know that, that’s what I’m saying. That I thought it would be fine to just have sex and hang out as friends.”

“So what are you saying?” Alec was getting a bit impatient, his tone wasn’t quite as soft and curious anymore. Magnus sighed, looking down at his hands and Alec’s heart dropped, because he just looked so sad. 

“I’ve just felt this ache for the last two weeks. And it just hurts too much,” Magnus explained. 

“Then why did you ask me to come here?” Alec had no idea where all of this was coming from, he had thought that everything was fine. 

“Because of that text you sent me. I guess it’s naive, but I thought that maybe you felt the same way.”

“I told you two weeks ago, it’s just a sexual need. And you said it was fine,” Alec said. 

“Look, I know what I said, but I’m not fine, okay? It hurts to be with around you, only to have sex with you, and everytime you leave, it breaks me” his voice had gotten harsher, it was unsteady, almost as if Magnus was on the edge of tears. The smaller boy hurried to look away, staring into the air. 

“So are you saying you don’t want to see me again?”, Alec asked, also feeling the emotions spreading in his body as he asked the question, but not understanding why. He tried to catch Magnus’ eyes, but the shorter one just closed his, taking in a deep breath. 

“No, not like this. I mean, I really want to see you again, I just can’t. And it was stupid of me to think that things would work out.” His voice was so shaky, so vulnerable, Alec had to control himself to not reach out and take the small warlock into his arms. 

“Why was it stupid? It has worked out fine?” he asked softly. 

“No it hasn’t. Because we want different things. And you can’t give me what i want, because you aren’t ready for it or because it simply isn’t what you want. It’s not your fault, I should have known.”

Alec didn’t know what to respond. He hadn’t asked the question straight: “What do you want” but he was too afraid of what the answer might be. So he just sat there, stared at the boy and tried to understand everything. He felt a lump in his throat, but didn’t want Magnus to know. 

He sighed, looking down at his hands. Then he spoke, softly, almost whispering, “I should really go now”


	8. The pain of falling

Alec was worried. Izzy hadn’t been out of her room for almost two days, not eating, not getting up to go on missions. Something was wrong and for her to isolate herself this way, she had to be in a lot of pain. He knew his sister. 

He knocked on the door for the second time, listening closely to hear if she spoke on the other side of the wall. But silence followed the knock, leaving Alec frowning. 

“Izzy?” he called, listening for another second. When nothing happened he decided to go in, it was killing him that she was feeling this way. 

Scanning the room, he found her on her bed on top of the duvet wearing only a top and her underwear. She was sweating, clearly awake, but not moving. 

Feeling worried, he sat down next to her. She noticed, moved her head just slightly to look him in the eyes. They were swollen and red and she had been crying but now her face just looked drained and empty of all emotions. 

“You should have told me things were this bad. I want to be here for you,” Alec said, reaching out a hand to grab hers.

“I know” his sister said, her voice a bit rough from the crying, but he could hear that she was feeling better now. “I didn’t want you to worry”

Alec sighed, looking at her with concern in his eyes, softness spreading on his face. “You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

“There’s not really much you can do for me anyway,” she replied.

“I could get you something to eat. Or just keep you company.”

“I’m not hungry.” she just stated, the distant look in her eyes making Alec doubt her. 

“Well, it can be hard to focus on the hunger if all of your body is in pain.”

“It’s not just pain Alec, you don’t get it. It burns,” she said. He clenched her hand a bit inside of his, letting her know that he was here for her.

“I don’t know much about it. Have you not been taking the serum for the past two days?” he asked.

“No. But I don’t think it is supposed to hurt this much.”

“Well, can’t you use your iratze-rune for some of the pain?” Alec of course knew the iratze would only take away some of the physical pain, but leave all the mental craving for more. 

“I told you already, it doesn’t work.”

“Yeah I know, but I spoke with Magnus. He said it should work once the poison has left your system. Do you want me to try?” Alec offered

“I’ve tried at least a hundred times and it doesn’t work” she said, getting a bit annoyed with her brother for not understanding. 

“That sounds strange. Maybe it’s because of the serum in your system?”

“I have been clean for two days, it shouldn’t be in my system anymore” she stated. Then she let go of Alec’s hand, trying to sit up straight, making the pain even worse. 

“What do you think it is then?” Alec asked. It wasn’t like it worried him, because there must be a reason for it. He more just found it strange, but often, things in the shadow world were unusual. 

“I don’t know,” Izzy said after a moment. “It’s not because I want to ask too much of you, but can you maybe ask Magnus about it? I have this feeling that something is very wrong”

Alec bit his lip. “We’re not exactly speaking right now.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured,” Izzy was a smart girl and easily caught on to when things changed. Even through the past days with the lack of serum, she had managed to notice something was up. 

“Maybe you should just go see him yourself?” Alec suggested, but he also knew that Izzy wasn’t feeling well enough just yet to leave the institute. It would be dangerous for her to go see Magnus alone.

“Is there any chance you might ask him?” she asked, almost begging, something desperate in her voice

Alec sighed, shaking his head. “No, you don’t understand. I really want to help, but I can’t ask him for another favor”

Izzy frowned. “Why? Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Kind of. But you don’t have to worry abo-”

“Look, Alec, I’m being completely honest with you about these things happening to me. I’m trusting you. Please trust me and tell me what is happening with you”

Shaking his head slightly, Alec turned his gaze to his hands. “You’re right, Izzy” he said in a soft voice, knowing that he couldn’t just hide everything inside himself forever. “I guess we kind of did something…”

“Did you kiss?” Izzy asked, now wanting things to be a bit more concrete. And in some ways, she had the right to know, because she was his sister and wanted to help him. 

“Well… a little more than that”

“Alec, did you sleep with him?” He could see the surprise on her face, it seemed like she was forgetting about the pain in her body for a second. “And that’s why it’s awkward now?”

“No it’s not because of that, it happened more than once.”

“When did this happen? And how did I not notice?” she asked, not exactly directed to Alec, more to herself. 

“You weren’t really feeling well” Alec explained, a soft look on his face. 

“Okay,” Izzy said, thinking out loud. “But if you are having sex, why can’t you ask him then? I mean, if things aren’t awkward.”

A sigh left Alec’s mouth as he suddenly realized how hard it actually was to say this out loud. He wasn’t supposed to talk to anyone about this, but there was no going back now. 

“I went to his apartment about two weeks ago. He said some things about us wanting different things and made it clear that we shouldn’t see each other again”

“Because he has feelings for you? Or because you have feelings for him?” Izzy was quick to catch onto what was going on. 

“I don’t have feelings for him,” Alec stated. 

“I think you do.”

“But I don’t. And that’s not why I told you. I know how I feel about him. I just wanted you to know why I can’t ask for favors,” he told her, wanting the conversation to be over. Izzy seemed to understand that she wouldn’t accomplish anything if she kept pushing him. 

\------

A couple of days later Alec found himself lying awake at night, his mind running wild. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the empty, dark room, but he felt a weird ache inside. He couldn’t sleep. 

It had been about three weeks since he last had spoken with the warlock. He had thought that he would have gotten back to his usual self by now, but it was still in his system. 

He had been distracted for some time, Izzy’s situation had only been getting worse which meant that Alec had to be more alert on the missions. But now, the clock being around three at night, nothing could distract him, and he was left alone with all his thoughts.

Sighing, he got up from the bed. It was of no use to just stare into the ceiling, so he put on some clothes. It would be nice to just go for a walk. Technically, he wasn’t allowed to leave the institute at night just like that, but right now he didn’t really care. He just needed some air, to get his mind off of things. 

He wanted to talk to Izzy, but wouldn’t want to wake her. She had been having some rough days as well and needed the sleep. he was worried about her, she didn’t really seem to get better.

Reaching inside his pocket to make sure he had his phone, he left the room. He wasn’t planning on calling Magnus, but just in case he changed his mind it would be a good idea to bring it along. 

It was cold outside and Alec walked in a quick pace to stay warm. He kept the phone in his hand, debating whether it was over the line to call Magnus. He just wanted to talk to him, to ask if he was okay. That was all. It wouldn’t hurt him, right?

At some point he realized that he was heading towards Magnus’ apartment, it hadn’t even been intentionally. Alec had to tell himself to stop. He had been the one to make this decision, it was all his fault. It would not be fair of him. 

Forcing himself to turn around and put the phone back into his pocket, he headed back to the institute. 

This was when something weird happened. He was walking back towards his room as he went past the bathroom on the hallway where Izzy’s room was. The silence was so intense that he could easily hear someone shower, and he thought that it was a weird time to take a shower. 

The first thing that came to his mind was that it must be Izzy. She hadn’t been showering for almost a week and could easily be awake now, so he thought he’d just wait until she was done and talk to her about all the things that were happening. He also needed to check on her, making sure she was alright.

He thought about knocking and asking if he could come in, but decided against it. It wouldn’t have been a problem usually, but things were different. So he just leaned against the wall from across the bathroom, waiting. 

To his surprise, it wasn’t Izzy who stepped out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later. It was Magnus. 

“Magnus?” Alec asked, surprise in his voice. He pushed himself of the wall and took a step closer. 

Magnus just stared at him, too taken aback to reply. He was wearing a pair of shorts and nothing else, a towel hanging from his bare shoulder. 

“What are you doing here?” Alec continued, for some reason feeling a little bit happy to see the warlock. But most of all just feeling very confused, not understanding anything. 

“Uhm..” the warlock started saying, fumbling for his worlds. His eyes turned to look at his feet. “Just showering.” he then said. 

“Yeah I see, but why?” Alec’s arms were crossed, his head tilted. 

“I needed some time to think. I couldn’t sleep.” For some reason the small boy seemed nervous, but Alec easily misread him. He was hard to figure out.

“I’m not asking why you are showering. I am asking why you are showering here,” Alec asked, not meaning to sound harsh but it kind of came out that way. It was just because that nothing made sense right now and Alec had been certain that it would have been Izzy in the shower.

“Well, that’s a long story,” Magnus just said. 

They both just looked at each other for a moment, feeling the tension built. Alec had more questions forming inside his head, he didn’t understand why Magnus would even be here, he hardly knew anyone at the institute and he had told Alec himself that warlocks almost never shower. Only for the pleasure of it. 

“Wait,” Alec then asked, taking a slight step backwards. “Are you alone in there?”

Magnus took in a deep breath. “Yes, I already told you. I needed to think”

“But why the hell are you here?”

The short boy turned his gaze, staring into the air. He bit down on his lip, thinking of how to explain this to the man standing before him. “I’ve just been feeling very lonely for the past three weeks. I thought it would help to.. uhm.. come here and-”

“Oh,” Alec said softly, suddenly understanding. Their eyes locked once again. “Are you here because of Andrew?”

The look on Magnus’ face told Alec that he had hit it spot on. It was this self-hating look that Alec hadn’t seen on him before, regret shining out of him. Only now did Alec realize that Andrew’s room was also on this hallway.

“Did you, uhm…” Alec searched for the right word. “Did you have sex with him?”

Magnus’ gaze flickered once again as the nervous look spread. “Yes” he said. “But it was only this one time and I just felt weird afterwards. That’s why I needed to think.”

And Alec would have to admit that it was like a punch in the stomach to hear those words come from Magnus’ mouth. It started tightening around his chest, he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t just jealousy, it was more intense. He swallowed, trying to hide from Magnus how much this affected him. 

“So you’re sleeping with him, but you are not like, uhm… a thing, right?” he asked, something hopeful in his voice. 

“No. We couldn’t be, you know that”

“Why not? I mean, you told me you don’t just want the sexual things,” Alec pushed him, for some reason not really believing what was happening. 

“It’s not the same, you know that.” Magnus explained, his voice unsteady and soft, pain also clear in his voice.

“How would I know?”

“Because I told you how I feel about you,” he said, something vulnerable in his tone. 

“Well, maybe you feel that way about many men,” Alec knew it wasn’t fair of him to act this way, because after all, he had been the one to not want things between them to develop. Magnus had every right to see whoever he wanted to. He wasn’t Alec’s property. It was just a kind of hurt that Alec hadn’t felt before and it was hard for him to control his feelings. 

“I don’t. I hardly remember the last time I felt like this. I can’t stop thinking about you. I know we weren’t together, but everything inside of me aches everytime i realize that you don’t want me. Don’t think I’ll just get over this in no time. I won’t” Something harsh had found it’s way to his words, but his face was still vulnerable and soft. 

“Then stop hooking up with Andrew,” Alec said softly, feeling a bit paralyzed by Magnus’ words. His heart was beating fast. 

“Why do you even care?”

Alec thought about it for a second, staring into Magnus’ eyes. He went closer, their eyes locked and Alec sighed, all the emotions swimming to the surface behind his chest. He took Magnus’ soft and fair face between his two hands, caressing his cheeks. 

“I don’t know,” he said, his voice shaky and distant. “But it hurts me. It makes me burn inside, because for some reason, I care.”

“But not the way I care about you.” 

Alec let out a deep breath, trying to understand all of these emotions inside. The soft skin on Magnus’ cheeks and the fire behind his eyes almost dragging him into a kiss, but something inside of him holding him back. 

“I don’t know. I need time to figure it out.” he spoke quietly, honestly. “But I do know that I really want to kiss you right now.”

Magnus broke their eye contact, closing his eyes, swallowing. As he opened them a second later, determination had found its way to his gaze. 

“If you do that, please just mean it,” he said, breathing quickly. Everything about him, his soft skin, his beautiful burning eyes, his small, uncertain words, it made Alec long for him. Something inside of Alec almost couldn’t help but take him into his arms and kiss him softly, but Alec knew that wasn’t fair. 

“You know I can’t promise you that,” was all that he could say as he saw how the small boy broke inside. He felt it himself. 

Magnus reached for Alec’s hands, removing them from his face. He looked down at his own feet, hiding the pain. 

“Then just leave me alone until you have figured it out” he said, walking past Alec and disappearing down the hallway. Alec just stood there, emotions surfacing. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the regret of what he had just done, but standing there, staring into the air, empty of everything, he felt a lonely tear make its way down his cheek. He questioned for a short moment if maybe he felt the same way about Magnus. 

\-----

It would be hard for someone else to understand how much Alec needed to talk to Magnus. Not just about things that didn’t matter, he couldn’t bear the thought of that. He needed to tell Magnus about these thoughts he was having. 

Alec had realized how much his relationship with Magnus had been on his mind. And not just after what had happened that night in the bathroom, but ever since their first kiss. He missed Magnus. He missed him a lot, in a way where he almost couldn’t focus on anything else. 

For two days he had been locked inside his room, needing the time to just be himself and figure all of this out, just as Magnus had told him to. Things just seemed to be blurry, it was impossible to understand what was real and what was just the side effects of having slept with someone you thought were handsome and them not wanting to see you anymore. 

It was weird, because even though he felt this pressure, almost a sting, behind his chest, he couldn’t cry. It was just that one night where his emotions had gotten the best of him, ever since then he had been trapped in some kind of emotional limbo, unable to escape.

He had gone for a walk that evening, needing time to get his mind off of things. To get some fresh air. Something had been building inside of him and he needed to get away from it. As he came back an hour later, tired and drained, he picked up his phone. 

The display read, ‘14 missed calls from: Magnus’. Alec didn’t have time to think about what was going on, his heart started racing, his hands started sweating as worry filled his body. 

If something had happened to Magnus he would never forgive himself for not having been honest with him that one night.


	9. Hold on tightly

Alec was running as fast as he could, not thinking clearly. Adrenalin was pumping through his body as he tried to stay on his feet, almost running into every person on his way. He hadn’t had the time to do the glamour-rune. He was scared, mentally blaming himself for everything happening

In no time he reached Magnus’ apartment, his head spinning and out of breath. He didn’t have the time to wait for Magnus to open up, so he just went straight in. 

“Magnus!” he almost cried out, as the warlock appeared in the door leading to his room. Alec was burning, his hair sticky and the sweat dripping from his forehead. “Where is she?”

“In here,” Magnus said, roughness in his voice and his eyes burning low. He looked drained, about to pass out. But Alec couldn’t seem to focus on that right now.

He hurried inside Magnus’ bedroom and found his sister on the bed, Magnus had stripped her of her shirt to get easier access to her body. She looked really sick, her eyes missing, her skin pale and her lips almost blue. How could Alec not have noticed? He had been so caught up in his own problems that he hadn’t seen how much pain his sister had been in for the past couple of days. And he had refused to seek help because of his own personal drama, he was the worst brother. 

“How did she get here?” Alec asked, worry filling up his voice. He sat down beside Izzy, grabbing her hand, trying to catch her eyes. But she almost wasn’t conscious anymore, he could see the distant look in her eyes as if she was drifting off to sleep soon. 

“She came here half an hour ago, she almost couldn’t walk. I have no idea how she made it,” Magnus said. “I have given her something strong. A serum. It will kick in in about 15 minutes, but it is going to hurt a lot, Alexander”

“What is wrong with her?” Alec asked, his voice unsteady, trying to stay strong for Izzy’s sake. 

“Some of the demon venom must have stayed in her blood vessels for the past couple of months. The serum has been keeping it in check, making sure it didn’t take over her body completely. That’s why her iratze didn’t work,” Magnus explained, his eyes blank and distant

“Is this demon poisoning?” Alec almost couldn’t understand, because it had been a long time since she got scratched by that demon. It almost couldn’t be true. 

“Yes, and a very severe case. It has taken over her blood system, look at her arms,” Magnus said, pointing towards Izzy’s arms. It was true, her veins had turned black instead of blue, sending back poison towards her heart. Alec felt a lump in his throat. 

“How did I not notice?” Aled spoke in a low voice, asking himself the question. It was all his fault. 

“You both thought it was just the ko hal addiction hurting her. You didn’t know any better”

“Can’t we do something about it?” Alec asked, tightening his grip on her hand. 

“Once the serum kicks in, it will start to burn down the poison inside her body. It is going to feel like she is on fire, it’s a kind of pain I wouldn’t want for anyone.” Magnus explained, slowly. Alec could tell that he was worried as well, he had this look in his eyes like even he was afraid. 

“But it is going to cure her, right?”

Magnus’ eyes flickered, he went closer to Alec, sitting down on the table beside the bed. “Maybe. I have never seen anyone survive this long with the poison in their body, your sister is very strong. But this is also very dangerous, I can’t tell you what is going to happen”

“So she might die?” As Alec said it out loud, he felt something tighten in his chest. 

“Demon venom has a way of killing your hematopoietic stem cells - those who produce your own blood. Once they are gone she loses the ability to renew her blood. And right now, she almost has nothing left to run through her body. Only poison,” Magnus spoke softly. 

“She can get a blood transfusion, right?” Alec proposed, his voice shaking. 

“No, Alexander. You cannot live without being able to renew your blood. She needs the stem cells.” As Magnus spoke it out loud, Alec felt a tear leave his eye. He quickly wiped it away. 

“But what if they aren’t all dead, what if she still has some left?”

“I have been searching through her body with my magic, trying to find just one living cell. It is what has drained me. And there are none,” Magnus said. Alec couldn’t help but let go of another tear, he turned to look at his sister. She wasn’t conscious anymore, her eyes had fallen shut and her chest was only raising slightly. She looked so peaceful, but he knew about the war that she was fighting on the inside - and losing. 

“Why’d you give her the serum, then?” Alec asked with a sobbing voice, tears rolling silently down his cheeks. Magnus closed his eyes. 

“There is one thing we can try. But the chances of her surviving are very small.” Magnus said, sighing, as if debating whether it was a good idea. 

“We have to try everything, Magnus,” Alec almost cut him off, standing up quickly, taking a step towards the warlock. “You don’t get it, I can’t live without her. We need to try everything”

“I knew you would say that.” Magnus said, exhaling. “But you have to understand the risks”

“Look, she is going to die if we do nothing. We have to do something.” Alec tried to explain, pointing at his pale sister going on the last bit of energy left in her small, skinny body. 

Magnus sighed, his body still looked so weak, this distant and scared look was still in his eyes. “We could try to do a bone marrow transplantation. That is were the stem cells are”

“Okay,” Alec said, calming down a bit, once he realized Magnus was actually going to help him with everything he could. Alec sat back down beside his sister. “Where do we get the bone marrow from then?”

Magnus bit down his lip. “That’s the problem. Izzy’s body will not accept it unless it thinks it belongs to her. It has to have an identical - or close to identical - genome as her own stem cells. It’s almost impossible to find that,” he explained. 

“Take some of mine, then. Me and Izzy must have the same cells, we have the same blood type and the same parents” Alec hurried to offer. 

“That’s why I asked you to come. It is the only chance we have, but there are risks, Alexander!”

“I don’t care about the risks. You have to do this, Magnus. Promise me you’ll do this?”

“I’ll have to take it from your spine, I could easily make a mistake-”

“Magnus, this is my fault,” Alec interrupted, pointing at Izzy. “It’s my fault that she is sick, so I don’t care about the risks. Please just do this!” His voice had been shaky and weak ever since he got there, but suddenly he spoke with determination and power. He looked straight into Magnus’ eyes, making sure he knew that this was serious. 

Magnus nodded slightly. Then Izzy suddenly started screaming with all the power she had left in her lungs. They both knew that the serum had finally kicked in and was now burning the inside of her blood vessels. 

\---- 

Things were black. Everything was gone for a minute. 

Alec’s head was hurting and his body sore, he felt a dizziness spread around him. Grabbing his head, he tried to figure out where he was, the light coming from the lamps in the ceiling being too much for his eyes. 

“Oh thank god, you are awake,” he heard a soft voice say from behind him and quickly realized that it was Magnus. Alec tried to look around, he was on Magnus’ couch, the small boy sitting on his knees on the floor beside him. His eyes were worried, scanning the shadowhunter quickly to see if he was alright, but his whole body seemed out of energy. Alec couldn’t remember much. 

“What happened? How is Izzy?” he asked, trying to get up, but quickly realizing that his body was too heavy, too weak, he couldn’t. A soft smile spread on Magnus’ face and he reached out to touch Alec’s arm, as if making sure he was okay. 

“She needed a lot of blood suddenly and we knew that you and Izzy have the same blood type, so I took some of yours, remember?” the beautiful boy in front of him said. Alec started to remember.

“Did I pass out?” he asked, worried. He had been in Magnus’ room, he was certain about that. 

“Yeah well, I might have taken a bit more than what I should, I know it was risky, but she needed the blood. Your body just needs to catch up. You might feel a little dizzy.” The warlock looked relieved in some way and it was reassuring. Something bad could not have happened when this soft look was on Magnus’ face. “But I got the bone marrow, it was easier once you were out”

“And did Izzy’s body accept it?” Alec dared to ask the question, he needed to know, otherwise he couldn’t just be lying around on Magnus’ couch. 

“It seems that way, yes. The two of you have pretty identical cells, who would have known,” Magnus said, a hint of irony in his voice. Alec kind of liked that about Magnus, he made Alec stop worrying just like that. Alec let out a breath.

“Thank you, Magnus,” He said, a soft smile on his face. He was looking into Magnus’ tired and drained eyes, he knew how much this warlock had done for him. Without thinking about it he reached out a hand, grabbing Magnus’ that was on Alec’s arm already. 

Only a quick flash of uncertainty went through Magnus’ eyes, but he accepted it. 

“How did I even get on your couch?” Alec wondered aloud as the moment had passed. 

“I carried you. You’re really heavy,” the warlock said. Alec laughed, his head still hurting a bit, but everything already seemed pretty okay. 

“You didn’t have to do that, you already did so much.”

“You were on the floor. Should I have left you there?” Magnus teased, his hand still in Alec’s. And in some way it felt so right. 

“Yes,” Alec said. “I know this drained your magic. Are you okay, Magnus?”

“I’ll be fine, we just both need some rest, to regain our strength,” the warlock said, softness in his gaze. 

It was only now that Alec had had the time to think about everything. He had been so worried, so caught up in Izzy’s demon poisoning that he hadn’t really stopped to think about how this boy affected him. But now, on the couch in the living room, everything was right in front of him and he couldn’t look away from it anymore. 

“Can I tell you something?” Alec asked, too weak to even care about anything anymore. He couldn’t just keep on hiding his feelings, he needed to be honest with Magnus. 

“Will you regret telling me about it tomorrow?” The warlock seemed a bit suspicious, frowning slightly, but not letting go of Alec’s hand.

“No, of course not. What do you mean?”

“You’re just a bit emotional right now, and you don’t have much blood in your body. I’m just saying that maybe you aren’t thinking completely straight,” Magnus explained, Alec knew the boy was right in some way, but he was tired of hiding things away. He needed to say them out loud. 

“I’m thinking straight. I understand what I feel, I just haven’t been honest about it. Not to you, and not to myself. And I know I’ve hurt you, I’m really sorry about that,” Alec said, his voice soft. He clenched Magnus’ hand in his, but the warlock now pulled his own away from the grip, sighing.

“Don’t you think that maybe we should talk about this tomorrow?”

“No. Listen, Magnus, when I saw all those missed calls, I thought that maybe something had happened to you. I thought that maybe you were hurt, that maybe…” He paused, thinking. “I don’t even know, horrible things just passed my mind. And I got really really scared”

“I understand that. But you don’t know what that means,” Magnus said.

“I think I do” Alec tried to sit up on the couch, his heart pumping with all it had to get the blood out in his body. His body felt almost numb, but he managed, tucking his legs underneath himself. “Just let me talk for a second and then I promise I’ll go to sleep.”

Magnus thought about it for a moment, then nodded, getting up from the floor to sit beside Alec on the couch. Magnus seemed so weak, Alec noticed. 

“I want to tell you that I know I haven’t been fair to you. I should have been honest with you from the start. And I had no right to be mad at you for sleeping with Andrew, I know it is your life and-”

“Don’t think about that, it was a dick move anyway,” Magnus interrupted, looking at his hands. 

“No it wasn’t, you had every right to.”

“I just did it because I thought it would help me get over you. It wasn’t fair, I need to deal with these things myself. It’s just a lot harder than I had thought it would be...” Magnus said, trailing off. Alec felt the guilt immediately, this gorgeous boy shouldn’t have had to go through the things Alec had been putting him through.

“It’s all my fault. If I had just been honest, then-”

“You seemed so honest that night. Everything you said. I knew you were jealous, but you didn’t kiss me. You know, it broke me. Because I had kind of been expecting you to, as we stood there,” Magnus interrupted.

“I should have kissed you. I was wrong about-”

“Look, Alexander, we shouldn’t talk about this now. It’s just all the adrenalin and emotions in your body taking over, we should talk tomorrow” Alec knew that Magnus was only protecting himself, but Alec had been needing to say these things for longer than he’d care to admit. But he just stared into the air for another moment, feeling the silence spread. He didn’t want to hurt Magnus even more.

“I know it is none of my business and you can do what you want to, but why did you sleep with Andrew if you felt this way about me”

“I guess I thought that random sex was going to help - sometimes it does,” Magnus explained, sounding vulnerable and soft. 

“Well, you are the first person I have been with, so I guess i wouldn’t know.” 

Alec felt Magnus’ gaze turn to look at him, a frown on his face. A slight look of surprise.

“Really? The very first one? Hasn’t there even been a woman before?” the warlock wanted to know.

“No” was all that Alec said. 

“I didn’t know that” They were looking at each other, something different between them. This trust to one another that Alec had been feeling when they had first started to see each other, it was like it was growing. Maybe Magnus had been needing Alec to be vulnerable too. And honest.

“That’s because I never told you about it,”

“Were you afraid that I was going to judge you?” Magnus asked. 

“In some way, yes. I didn’t want you to know how little I actually had myself figured out. It was just hard for me to find out what I was feeling, and why I was feeling it. And I mean, you are just so… experienced. You are so aware of your feelings and your sexual self-”

“No, I’m not Alec. I struggle too sometimes. These feelings are new to me too. Don’t push me away” Magnus said, a hint of desperation in his voice. He sighed, looking down at his hands once again, shaking his head as if shaking the thoughts off. None of them said anything for another moment. 

“We need to get some rest now.” Magnus said calmly, but sounding slightly uncertain. “We shouldn’t have been discussing all of this now in the first place”.


	10. The end

Of course Magnus had been right, they shouldn’t have been discussing something that important last night. Alec felt like he had been in a kind of high, his emotions shining brightly and everything else was hard to focus on. Right now, he tried to recall just what he had said, he wasn’t sure if he had said something hurtful. Maybe some of the things had made things even worse between him and Magnus. 

Regaining his focus, he looked at his sister beside him. He had been sleeping in Magnus’ bed, wanting to be close to his sister in case something would happen. She was still pale but the blood running through her veins was back to normal again, Alec smiled. 

“Izzy,” he whispered, “Are you awake.”

Her body started moving slightly, her eyes missing. She turned her face to look at Alec through narrow eyes, not completely awake. 

“How are you feeling, Izzy?” her brother rolled onto his side and reached out a hand to touch her face, she was still cold.

“It hurts,” was all that she could say, her voice weak and rusty, she was drifting between staying awake and falling asleep.

Alec got up and put on some clothes, his body feeling almost as usual. Then there was a knock on the already open doors, Magnus standing with a glass of water.

“It’s your home, you don’t have to knock,” Alec said jokingly, but the shorter boy didn’t laugh. His eyes flickered for a second as he walked past Alec, sitting down on the bed beside Isabelle. 

“How is the pain,” Magnus asked, Izzy opened her eyes once again, wincing.

“Bad,” She said with a weak voice. “I’m really thirsty.”

The warlock sent her a soft, reassuring smile, putting the glass of water to her mouth. He used the other hand to steady her head, tilting it to drink, some of the water running down her chin and onto the bed. “Of course you are, the inside of your body was on fire.”

In no time the glass of water was empty and the warlock put her head back down. Izzy closed her eyes again, clearly in pain, hardly able to stay in the moment. 

“Her runes should be working again. The iratze rune should take some of the pain away,” the warlock said, still not looking at Alec, but clearly speaking to him. In some way, Magnus seemed a bit off, but Alec would have to deal with that once Izzy was okay. 

The shadowhunter grabbed his stele in his jacket on the floor, and as he walked towards Izzy, Magnus got up from the bed, moving to stand in the door once again. And okay, now Alec felt like Magnus was avoiding him. 

He pushed it away for a second, taking Izzy’s arm in his, revealing her iratze-rune. “This might sting,” he said, activating the rune. Her body tensed underneath his touch, but quickly relaxed once again, a sigh leaving her mouth. 

She blinked quickly, her face adjusting to the light. “Did it help?” Alec asked, her arm still in his hand. She nodded, a faint smile finding its way to her mouth. 

Alec turned to look at Magnus, but he had left, leaving only the two siblings in the room. Alec felt a bit disappointed. In some way, he couldn’t really blame Magnus for acting this way around Alec, he didn’t owe Alec anything. It would be totally understandable if the warlock wouldn’t be able to forget all the things that had happened between the two of them. 

“I’m sorry I made you come here,” Izzy said after a moment, seeing the disappointment in her brother’s eyes. 

“I should have asked him for help many days ago,” Alec didn’t want Izzy to blame herself, she had known that something was wrong and Alec had refused to help her. “None of this is your fault, I’m just so happy that you are still alive”

“You shouldn’t have gotten mixed into this.” Her voice was still weak and rough, but it was clear that she was recovering.

“Izzy, you are my sister. I should have never let you go through all of this alone. I was stupid to let my own problems get in the way of your health.”

A moment passed where Alec held Izzy’s hand in his, feeling how the heat had found its way back to her body and how her cheeks were starting to regain the red color. She was so strong and he was very proud of her, he would never have been able to forgive himself if something had happened to her because he had been caught up in his own life. 

“Is Magnus still mad at you and doesn’t want to see you?” Izzy asked carefully, not wanting to bring up something sensitive.

“I don’t think he is mad at me. But I haven’t really been treating him so nicely, so I understand if he doesn’t want to see me,” Alec said, shrugging, but also feeling a little bit disappointed as he said it out loud. 

“He probably just needs time.”

“I don’t know, Izzy,” Alec spoke, his eyes distaning. “Maybe he won’t forgive me for this and I understand that.”

“Did he say something to you yesterday? I don’t really remember anything, I hardly even remember how I got here,” Izzy asked, feeling a bit worried for her brother, because she had noticed the effect the warlock had on him. Alec’s eyes turned soft. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone, I should have been there to help you,” he repeated once again, feeling the guilt.

“Alec, don’t worry. But did you speak about things yesterday?”

Alec frowned, thinking. “I mean, we were both caught up in saving your life. But I wanted to apologize to him once you were alright, but he just shut me off, telling me we would speak today instead.”

“He’s probably just afraid that you’ll hurt him again,” Izzy said. 

“I know. Maybe I said something yesterday that hurt him.”

“Alec, do me a favor, ok?” Izzy asked with big eyes, her voice soft. “Don’t hurt him again. Just be honest with him, he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“I know that.”

“He saved my life, Alec. And he really cares about you,” and Alec of course knew that Izzy was right. Izzy was always right. 

“I should just go talk to him.”

\-----

“Magnus?” Alec asked, finding the warlock in the living room standing by the window, looking out. Alec was certain that Magnus had heard him, but he didn’t turn around, didn’t answer. 

Walking into the living room, Alec noticed a blanket on the couch. “Did you sleep on the couch tonight?” he asked. 

“Yes,” the warlock said, still not moving. “Where else would I be sleeping, the two of you were on my bed.”

“Right. Sorry about that.” Alec was scratching his neck, feeling a bit weird about the situation. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Something in his tone made Alec worry anyways, it wasn’t exactly pain, it was more this coldness, like he was closing everything out. 

“Can we talk?” Alec asked after a moment.

“We are talking right now,” Magnus replied. 

“You know what I mean.” Alec sighed, looking at his hands, feeling nervous and guilty. “About yesterday… and about us”

“Nothing to talk about,” was all that Magnus said.

“Don’t be like this, please.” A begging and desperate tone had found its way to Alec’s words. “Look, I’m not quite sure how I put it yesterday, but I just want you to know-”

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about this yesterday,” Magnus said, a sudden anger in his voice as he turned to face Alec. His eyes were burning, but something behind them were hurt, almost as if he had been crying. “Because now you don’t remember what you told me.”

“I remember what I told you, Magnus.” His voice had turned a bit more certain, but it was still open and honest. “I just don’t know if I said anything in a wrong way.”

Magnus paused, calming a bit down. “Well if you remember, then why do you want to talk now?”

“Because you are avoiding me.” Alec stated. “And it makes me worry that I maybe said something that had hurt you.”

“Has it occured to you that maybe I am avoiding you because you broke my heart? Because that I fear you might do it again?”

Something changed in Alec’s look, like a wave of realization, it made his chest sting. He had been so stupid.

“I’m sorry,” he said, almost whispering, his eyes distaning to look at his feet. It was hard for him to look at Magnus, knowing how much pain he had put the boy through, but now he was feeling it too. “I guess i just.. i didn’t really-.” he interrupted himself, sighing. “Well, there is no excuse, I was just an idiot.”

Magnus didn’t say anything. He just stood there, looking vulnerable and gorgeous, his face fair and body small and shaky. 

“I should really leave, I know I have overstayed my welcome.” the shadowhunter spoke. 

“Isabelle isn’t strong enough to leave yet, Alexander.”

“Maybe not. But she is strong enough to go through this without me.” Alec felt something built inside himself, like he had messed up everything and it was all coming down on him. Hard. “She has been doing it for some time now.”

As he was about to turn around, Magnus stepped forwards, grabbing his arm. “Don’t do this. You wouldn’t just leave your sister here, you are not that selfish.”

“It’s not like I have a choice,” he said, his voice shaking. 

“Now, don’t be stupid, of course you have a choice.”

“You know, I don’t get you, Magnus,” Alec said, something hurt in his voice. “Why won’t you just let me leave?”

“Because of your sister, she is still-” 

“Leave her out of this, Magnus. You weren’t like this yesterday, you were different.” It tightened behind Alec’s chest. 

“I was drained.” Magnus said slowly, steadily, his eyes turning blank. “I was too emotional, I said some things that I shouldn’t have said.”

“I was drained and emotional too, you know? But I was also honest. I meant what I said, Magnus. I should have kissed you that night at the institute, because I do feel the same way about you. I know that now” Everything inside of Alec was aching, his voice came out clearly, but with pain. He tried to control it, but he didn’t know how. It was all too new for him. 

They stared into each other’s eyes, Alec waiting for the other to say something, to do something. He felt like this was the last straw for both of them, they couldn’t stay in this mess of pain and heartache forever. 

As they stood there, Alec felt the need, the longing, to reach out for Magnus, to hold him close. He felt the tension, the chemistry, the electrical shocks that felt almost painful through his body. And he felt the burning. God, he felt the burning more than anything. Those beautiful, burning cat-eyes, Alec had fallen in love with without even noticing. 

As the warlock did nothing, Alec’s heart dropped, realizing that this was it. He forced his arm out of the tight grip of Magnus’ hand, pressure building behind his eyes and behind his chest. 

He turned around, walking towards the door with steady steps, determined to leave both Magnus and Izzy. Deep down, he knew that this was his fault, but right now everything just seemed so unfair. Because he had been in love with Magnus, he was certain about that, and yet there was nothing left for him to now about it now. 

“Wait!” Magnus said behind him, his voice desperately small. And just as Alec stopped, turned back around, the warlock was coming closer. “You’re right. I don’t want you to leave.”

Hesitation went through his eyes, Alec saw it clearly. But then the short boy in front of him look the last step, reducing all the space between the two of them. Only a short second passed, but it seemed to drag out, as Magnus got on his toes to level himself with Alec, wrapping both arms around his neck, steadying himself. 

“I don’t know why, but it is just so hard to be around you. Because I know you can break my heart so easily, and it makes me feel vulnerable, and I don’t like that. I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn for god’s sake.” he said, laughing softly as he spoke the last words. “But I know that I will regret it if i let you walk out that door”

Then the warlock leaned in and their lips met in a kiss, Alec’s lips rough against Magnus’ soft and delicate mouth. The taller boy’s hands quickly found their way around Magnus’ waist, keeping the man in front of him in place and making sure he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Bubbles filled up inside of Alec, he tightened his grip as the adrenaline went through his body, already feeling high on Magnus. He almost couldn’t concentrate on what was happening, too surprised and overwhelmed. Everything started to fade, except the two of them, locked together. 

Sliding his tongue along Magnus’ lower lip, he deepened the kiss, wanting even more of the beautiful boy in front of him. For only a short moment, he thought that maybe he shouldn’t do this, maybe they should take things a bit more slow now. But he couldn’t help himself. He was already feeling the arousal, the excitement.

The short, but forceful tugs on the small hairs on the back of Alec’s head reassured him that Magnus wanted this just as much as he did. The way he let Alec control the kiss, the way he melted into the soft grip and wanted more of the sweet touches. Alec felt himself starting to get hard, trying to stay focussed. 

For a long time, he had been trying to tell himself that he didn’t want this, but now it came to the surface. He knew he needed this, he had been needing Magnus more than he would care to admit. 

A small, shaky moan left Magnus’ soft lips as Alec forced the short body backwards, holding Magnus against the wall in the living room. It was so familiar, but also so different. None of the times had been like this one, this one wasn’t dominating and violent, like it had been before. It was loving, it was as if Alec needed Magnus to feel how much he cared about him. 

As Alec loosened his grip on the skinny hips, he let one hand cup Magnus’ face, feeling the warmth of his beautiful skin. “Are you going to be gentle with me?” Magnus asked, his voice unsteady, shaking slightly. Alec could tell that there was something in his voice, something vulnerable. 

“Of course I am. If you want this?” Alec asked, making sure he wasn’t overstepping any lines and scaring the boy in front of him. 

“I want this. I want you.” Magnus said, pulling Alec back into the kiss and letting himself get lost in the feeling of arousal and love. Alec was there to steady him, to let his other hand trail down the short body, underneath his shirt to feel the golden-brown skin.

Breaking the kiss, Alec let his mouth wander to Magnus’ neck, sucking and nibbling lightly. Moans of pleasure left Magnus’ mouth, he couldn’t hold it back. He was too turned on to care about anything, especially what Alec might think of him. 

In a swift movement, Alec managed to pull Magnus’ shirt off of his body, leaving him with bare skin. It was like a magnet to Alec, he had to touch. He had to caress, his mouth was once again on Magnus’, eagerness in the way he moves his tongue, biting down softly on his already swollen lips. 

Alec could easily feel Magnus’ hard dick underneath his tight, black pants. He let his hand trail from the golden-brown skin on the warlock’s chest and further down, stopping just above the trousers. 

Without any warning, Alec placed his hand on top of the growing bulge, Magnus’ cock throbbing underneath. A little shock went through the smaller boy’s body, a moan muffled between their mouths. Magnus body tensed underneath his touch, his hips starting to move slightly to get some friction. Alec thought it was incredibly sexy. 

Once again, Alec’s mouth was on Magnus’ neck, moving downwards. He stopped at the collarbones, feeling how the small boy melted as he placed small kisses, nibbling softly. 

Alec almost couldn’t wait much longer, he enjoyed how this beautiful boy was trembling, shaking with lust. His heart raced. Suddenly, his hand had found its way down Magnus’ trousers, his fingers wrapping around the hard, wet cock. The sound escaping the warlock’s mouth went straight to his dick, somewhere between a begging cry and a moan of pleasure. 

“Alec and Magnus” someone said from somewhere in the apartment with a firm tone, a bit angrily. It was Izzy. “I swear to god if the two of you are having sex in the living room right now, I will END your lives.” 

Alec still had Magnus’ cock in his hand as he turned his gaze to look at him. Magnus’ eyes were wide, cheeks blushed. 

“I can hear everything from in here. And the door is ajar, what the hell were you thinking?” she said, sounding kind of mad, but also a hint of surprise in her voice. It took Alec a second to understand what was happening and removing his hand from Magnus’ pants, resting his head on his shoulders as a soft laugh escaped his mouth. His cheeks started to blush against Magnus’ skin as well. 

“I completely forgot.” Embarrassment was all over Alec’s voice, Magnus was also laughing a bit now, realizing how awkward this was. Then, he pushed himself of the wall, squeezing Alec’s arm slightly as he passed him. He crossed the room. 

“I’m so sorry, Isabelle, the door will the closed right away,” Magnus said, slamming the door shut as Isabelle screamed “MAGNUS!” from inside the bedroom. 

Alec’s face was burning red, he couldn’t believe his sister had just heard all of that. He could hear Magnus laughing, his eyes filling with something he hadn't seen there just yet - but it made something inside of the shadowhunter click, like everything was alright now. 

Once he was standing before Alec again, Magnus reached for his face, caressing it with his thumb and feeling the blush behind his cheeks. “So we probably shouldn’t after all.” he said. 

“No,” Alec laughed. “But that’s okay, I just completely forgot about her… wow.”

“Relax, she has to leave at some point, and then-”

Magnus was cut short by Alec taking a step forward and swallowing Magnus’ small body with his huge arms, embracing him. Something in the tight grip made Magnus relax, made him feel the bubbles in his stomach and the heat in his cheeks like he had never felt before. 

“Don’t worry,” Alec whispered, his voice muffled in Magnus’ hair. “I think this is even better.” And this was what Alec had been wanting, he realized. He hardly had the energy to think about why it had taken him so long, but he knew he just wanted to stay in that moment. Then he would deal with things another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAaaaand, it's done. I feel like they deserved to get together, but wasn't quite sure if Magnus would be able to look past what had happened. Anyways, it was fun to write. I hope you liked it. I kind of wanted them to have sex with Izzy in the room next door, but I felt like it wouldn't be fair to her... hehe.


End file.
